


Life Itself

by thinkpink



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Post War, Slow Burn, canon compliant up to season 8, shiro centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-02-18 13:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 41,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18700648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkpink/pseuds/thinkpink
Summary: Shiro ends the war realizing that he is less prepared for life than a man his age should be. Kind of hard to focus on growing up and developing into your own person when you're busy fighting for your life and the universe. Feeling discontent with his life, despite all the sources of happiness, he takes an off-handed comment from Lance very seriously."I think you should be a dad."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i started this fic the day after season 7 ended, so nothing that happens in season 8 applies. 
> 
> title is from the song by glass animals

Shiro could admit that in the madness of being abducted by aliens, becoming part of a team destined to save the galaxy, and then rebuilding the wreckage that was Earth post-invasion, he had set aside some things. 

Personal goals. Things like love, marriage, happiness. 

Not that he didn’t have love and happiness! He’d gone into space a newly single man with no living relatives to speak of and come out of it with an entire army of friends, a crew who looked up to him and trusted him, and an actual _family._

Though he was no longer a paladin of Voltron, they were undeniably the closest thing he had to family. Better, even, considering he hadn’t been that close with his own family. 

But despite all of this, Shiro could recognize that he had spent very little time focusing on himself, too firmly entrenched in the fate of the universe. How could he think about things like dating or buying a house when he had a planet to protect, a team of _children_ looking to him for direction and guidance? 

By the time things had settled down enough to even think about stuff like his personal life, Shiro realized that he didn’t even have a car anymore! 

It was like he was a teenager, just moved out of his parent’s house, starting anew.

Emotionally he was probably closer to that age too, hardly where a man of thirty should be. 

Galaxy Garrison mandated therapy would have probably helped with that, if only he could manage to open up to his therapist. But how could he accurately describe the things he’d felt, the things he’d done! It was much easier to tell her that he felt fine, to take the pills she prescribed, and to bury down the memories of all the lives he had taken.

But Shiro could confidently say he had happiness, in spite of everything he’d been through. It just didn’t seem as fulfilling as he thought it should have.

And while he still felt like a fumbling kid trying to start a new life, he did have one thing most teenagers didn’t and that was money.

Lots of it. 

It was almost embarrassing how much the world wanted to give the paladins. And while none of them had done this for the money or acclaim, it was nice to know that they all had the chance to step back and relax. 

Lance had already bought a gigantic house for his parents, not far from the Garrison.

That decision had brought Shiro here, purchasing his own apartment.

He’d thought about a house, but the idea of living alone in a place meant for a family… It was depressing beyond words. It might have been the catalyst in realizing his life was not where he’d imagined it would be. 

Once upon a time he’d thought he’d be married by now, arguing over who’s turn it was to mow the lawn or scrub the bathtub. 

Mundane, every day, married-people shit. 

“Did you see the bay windows in the bedroom? Buy this place. Now.” Lance’s voice trickled in to his rapidly darkening thoughts.

He’d asked Lance to accompany him while checking out properties, as he was the only one of Shiro’s friend that have ever actually bought a home. 

“It is a nice view…” Shiro agreed, looking down at the pale grey, hardwood floor – a must have on his checklist. “But don’t you think it’s too big? I don’t really need a second bedroom.”

Lance poked his head out of the bathroom to reply. 

“Sure you do, where do you think we’ll all crash when we get too drunk?” He grinned, amused at himself.

That was honestly a distinct possibility if he chose this place. The ground floor of the building held a market place, complete with a hip craft brewery. The neighborhood was part of the new trendy development that had begun building some time right after Voltron and the Atlas had driven away the Galra three years ago.

That was something to be said for Earth – they bounced back quickly. It was incredibly impressive how seamlessly the citizens of Earth had rallied together, rebuilding towns and cities, a massive show of strength in the face of the utter devastation they had suffered. A big _fuck you_ to the Galra Empire.

Shiro had not been surprised at all by how fast bars and pubs had popped back up. After everything they had been through, he could definitely use a drink too.

“Besides,” Lance continued, pacing around the large open living room area. “It’s not like you’ll be living alone forever.” 

The way he said it, so casual, as if it was obvious Shiro would be living here with someone else one day. It was actually kind of sweet, even if Shiro didn’t necessarily believe him.

“Yeah, maybe,” Shiro vacillated. “The location is ideal…”

“You’re only ten minutes away from the Garrison! And another thirty from me,” Lance winked.

Lance was currently living with his parents; all of his siblings were – they had the room – cherishing the ability to be together once again.

Shiro walked through the apartment once more. It had a huge master with en suite – complete with a giant soaking bathtub, another of Shiro’s must have’s – and the sprawling bay windows Lance had coveted. The second bedroom was down a short hall, smaller but definitely large enough for a guest bedroom and maybe even a little desk space for an office. In between the rooms, a small functional laundry room and a guest bathroom.

The kitchen was big and well equipped, with white cabinets and dark granite countertops – something Lance told him was an absolute must have, not that he’d ever spent much time in the kitchen. The living room led to a small balcony, somewhere he could put chairs and maybe some potted plans. Years in space had left him with an overwhelming desire for foliage in his home. 

It was perfect, honestly. 

Shiro listened as Lance walked out onto the balcony to find him looking out over the growing city. Just beyond that they could see a short stretch of desert land before the Garrison. If he squinted, Shiro was sure he could make out the Atlas. 

“Crazy how fast everything is being rebuilt…” Lance said, voice unusually serious.

“The resilience of man,” Shiro replied.

Lance hummed, nodding. “This place is nice. I can see you here.”

“I think I can see me here too,” Shiro agreed, allowing himself to feel the tiniest flicker of hope for his future.

+

“Good work today, Griffin.” 

“Thank you, sir,” he replied, and Shiro pointedly ignored the blush staining the younger pilots face at the compliment as he hurried to leave the training deck to meet up with the others.

A low whistle came from behind, and Shiro didn’t even bother to turn around.

“He has totally got a crush on you,” Keith sang, voice lilting. 

“Who doesn’t?” Shiro quipped, wiping down the equipment they’d used for their training simulations. The empire was mostly dismantled, but the galaxy was a big place, and its defenders need to stay in top form at all times. 

“Who indeed,” Keith took up a towel and began to rub down a training droid. “All I hear in the mess hall is Shiro this, Captain Shirogane that. You could start a fan club.”

“Are you offering to run it?” Shiro raised a brow, turning to take in the shit-eating grin on Keith’s face.

“Sure, I’ll make buttons.”

He barely jumped out of the way in time to miss the towel Shiro snapped at him.

“Don’t you have your own crew to bother, Captain Keith?” 

“They mostly take care of themselves,” Keith told him. “And to be honest, I’m kind of avoiding half of them. The whole, uh, Lance and Allura break-up of the century thing is getting kind of old.”

Shiro frowned, thinking of the two Paladins. Their relationship had had such great potential, built on a foundation of love and respect. But the lack of trust and communication had quickly torn apart any possible future. 

Shiro had spoken to Lance at length about the issues they were facing, encouraging him to simply _talk_ to Allura, but ultimately things had fallen apart. 

“Yeah Lance has crashed in my guest room a few times this month,” Shiro told Keith. “I’m guessing things are pretty tense within the team.”

“Weirdly, Hunk seems to be on Allura’s side, and Pidge is on Lance’s. It’s too much.”

Together they walked towards Central Command, people nodding and offering polite _good evening, sirs,_ as they went. It was still slightly bizarre being a part of the Garrison again, almost as if he had never left. 

Even Keith was with him, except that now he was at his side as an equal, instead of trailing a few steps behind him reluctantly.

“They’ll work it out,” Shiro tried to assure Keith, but it kind of sounded like he was trying to convince himself. “Despite everything, Lance and Allura love each other, even if they aren’t meant to be together. The team will recover.”

“Yeah I think they’ll be okay,” Keith held the door open for him, stepping back to give him room. “Doesn’t mean I want to stick around to watch everyone pout about it. I feel like a babysitter.”

Shiro snorted, smiling at Keith as he leaned in to say, “I’m gonna let you in on a secret Keith. Garrison Command? Glorified babysitting.”

Keith pulled away, face wrinkling in disbelief. 

“It’s not always like that, right?” He almost looked scared. “It’s just Lance, right? Cause he’s immature? Please tell me it won’t always be like this, Shiro.”

Shiro didn’t have to reply to that, his eyes said it all.

+

Things were going well. Really well! _Suspiciously well,_ if he were being honest with himself.

His therapist said he had a slight case of trauma induced paranoia. Something to do with his PTSD. Shiro tried not to tune her out when she talked, but even after two years he still wasn’t giving his all to their sessions.

His apartment had become a safe haven for him. Over two years he’d filled it up with things that he loved, decorated it in the way that he liked best – lots of muted colors, greys and blues, with big comfy furniture and a giant tv that he played video games on. 

His bedroom had a massive bed that he could roll around on, alone or otherwise. 

It wasn’t often that he brought someone home, and it was never serious, but he wasn’t asexual. He could set aside his trust issues long enough to entertain a guy, bring him home and bring him off, then send him on his way. 

His second bedroom was utilized far more often than he’d originally anticipated, Keith and Lance his most frequent guests. Sometimes Pidge crashed too, after staying over too late playing video games with him. They’d become incredibly close over the years. 

Everything at the Garrison was going so well, the Atlas and Voltron were an unshakeable force that supported planets far and wide. Over time, he’d come to think of the Atlas crew as family as well. 

So why wasn’t he happy?

“It’s not that I want to be married, or whatever, I’m definitely not looking for a relationship.” Shiro spoke to his hands, one of which was clutching at a pint of beer – the third one he’d had so far since they’d grabbed a table at the brewery under his apartment building. “I just feel like there’s something…I don’t know, missing.”

“Can I say something?” Lance asked, taking a large swig of his own beer. “And totally feel free to write it off as my drunken babbling,”

Shiro huffed a laugh. “Sure, say it.”

“I’ve known you for a lot of years now, and I feel like I can say confidently that _I know you,”_ Lance began.

Shiro nodded. “You’re one of my best friends,” he pointed out and his chest felt warm from the smile Lance gave him at those words. 

“So you’ve like, got your life together, you have this awesome apartment and you’re a champion of the Galaxy-“

Shiro winced and Lance made a face.

“Sorry, poor choice of words, but you get me. Obviously, you’ve got amazing friends,” he pressed a hand against his chest. “But you don’t really have anything to fulfill you in your personal life. You say you don’t want to date, which, _whatever,_ but you have a lot of love to give-“

Shiro recognized Lance’s tipsy rambling, he’d seen it enough to know to cut it off before he forgot the original point.

“You’re not saying anything I don’t know,” Shiro told him bemusedly.

“I think you should be a dad,” Lance finally said, downing the rest of his beer as if to occupy his mouth. 

Shiro shifted away, his face one of disbelief. 

“What?”

“Listen, if you were anyone else I would tell you to adopt a cat and be done with it, but I really think you should be a dad. You’d be so good at it.” His voice was earnest, Shiro could tell that he really believed what he was saying.

“Lance, I’m gay.” 

Lance rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Gay people raise kids all the time, Shiro,” he held out his fingers and ticked off one by one. “There’s adoption, surrogacy, science has come _crazy far_ if you wanna carry your own baby-“

“Dear god,” Shiro cut him off. 

Lance smiled, bright and sincere, squeezing Shiro’s forearm firmly. 

“I just always pictured you as a dad, that’s all. Like I said, you can ignore my rambling.”

Shiro looked down at the hand on his arm, still rocked by Lance’s suggestion, unable to articulate his feelings on the matter. 

Then Lance’s phone pinged, and he checked the screen.

“Shit I need to sober up, I totally have a date tonight.”

Forgetting he had a date, that was such a Lance thing to do. Dating came so naturally to him – it was no big deal, just another way to pass the time and hopefully find _the one._

Lance was confident he would meet someone and Shiro mentally crossed his fingers that he would, Lance deserved every happiness. 

“Who is this, Molly? Or Kristopher?” Shiro asked, choosing to be amused at Lance’s dating life instead of deal with the feelings Lance’s suggestion had raised. 

His therapist probably would have had a lot to say on that matter.

“Jacob,” Lance grinned. “He’s new.”

Shiro rolled his eyes, mouthing the name _Jacob_ with a smile.

“Be safe,” Shiro told him, as Lance jumped down from the high stool with minimal stumbling.

“Why Shiro, what fatherly advice you offer.”

Shiro choked on his beer.

+

“That’s crazy, right? He’s crazy?” Shiro asked, voice unusually desperate.

Lance’s suggestion had been weighing on his mind for weeks. 

_You should be a dad._

_You should be a dad._

It was constantly at the back of his thoughts, popping up at the most inopportune times. Did he want to be a dad? He’d never really given it any thought, you kind of needed a woman to have a baby, which he had no interest in. Except really, you didn’t. Lance had been right, there were viable options. 

“I’m the first person to say that Lance is crazy,” Keith told him around a mouthful of sandwich. “But I dunno—I kind of think he’s right. You’d be a great dad.”

“But I’m single,” Shiro argued. 

Keith gave him a dead stare. “So was my dad.”

“Right…”

“Besides, it’s not like you’re alone, obviously your kid would have like…lots of uncles and aunts and stuff.”

Oh.

Shiro hadn’t thought about that. But it was true, wasn’t it? He had a family, people he could depend on. He had a support system.

“So you know if you ever died in a freak accident or something, one of us would take your kid.”

Shiro wanted to roll his eyes at Keith’s cavalier pessimism, but the subject probably hit close to home for him.

“I don’t know why we’re even talking about this, it’s totally crazy.”

+

“So we’re getting married!” Hunk told them all, eyes bright with excitement, arm wrapped tightly around Shay’s waist.

The group cheered, spirits high.

“Finally!” Lance crowed, jumping up to give Hunk a hug before anyone else could. 

Everyone quickly joined in, exchanging hugs and words of congratulations. Allura immediately pulled Shay into discussions of the wedding, and what she planned to wear.

“I love weddings,” Lance told him, sitting down beside him. “Booze, and cake and everyone is really happy. I’m totally gonna cry.”

“I’ll be sure to bring a handkerchief,” Shiro assured him. 

“Good call,” Lance laughed. “So how’s things? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve been busy with _Jacob,_ huh?” Shiro’s voice was teasing and he was rewarded with a blush from Lance.

“He asked me to move in with him,” Lance confided, voice lowered so that no one else would hear. 

Shiro raised his eyebrows. So, things were that serious?

“It’s only been six months and after everything with Allura… I’m just really hesitant to rush into anything.”

Shiro hummed consideringly. “Do you love him?”

Lance nodded, face unusually vulnerable. “Honestly, I never want to go home when I’m with him, that’s why he asked me to move in.”

“You should do it,” Shiro said with finality. “The worst thing that could happen is it doesn’t work out. It could be the best decision you ever make.” 

Lance looked over to where Hunk and Shay were standing with Coran, Pidge and Matt. 

“For a man that’s perpetually single, you’ve given me some pretty good dating advice over the years.” 

“The coach doesn’t play,” Shiro deadpanned, laughing when Lance pushed him away.

“Shut up!” His giggling was warm and contented, Shiro loved the way it sounded. Lance’s happiness was always contagious.

Lance’s soft smile took on a more calculated visage.

“Given any thoughts to my suggestion?”

Shiro had. He’d thought about it nonstop for the past six months. He’d found himself looking up adoption guidelines and surrogacy fees. 

“I thought you said I could just brush that off?” Shiro countered.

“Yeah but I know you, you don’t brush anything off.” 

Shiro almost laughed at that, it was painfully true. 

“I’ve thought about it.” Shiro waited for Lance to pry, to ask what he was planning to do, when he was going to make a move.

Instead all he said was – “Good.”

+

“I’m going to be honest with you Mr. Shirogane, you’re not in a great position to adopt.”

Shiro frowned but wasn’t surprised. By now he knew all the requirements and had seen online the personal accounts of the difficulty of someone like him adopting.

“Your position as a savior of the world is a plus, but you still work in a very dangerous, risky field, which doesn’t bode well for bio-parents looking to give their child a stable environment.”

Shiro nodded, he was aware of this.

“Beyond that, a single parent already has a difficult time being chosen over a dual parent household, a lot of these women are giving their children up because they _want_ them to have two parents.”

Ugh, Shiro knew all the reasons this was a bad idea, he didn’t need them listed out. He’d spent close to a year agonizing over them.

“Your current living situation leaves something to be desired, your apartment is large but it’s over a bar. All of this of course is coupled with the report from your therapist-”

Shiro sat up straighter, this was the part he’d been concerned about.

“-and I’m sorry to say, she didn’t recommend you as a potential adopter.”

_Fuck._

Well that was that, adoption was out.

“And I’m sorry to say Mr. Shirogane, this report from your therapist coupled with the various other things I’ve listed mean that you wouldn’t be an eligible candidate for foster care either.”

Shiro kind of wanted to cry. It was ridiculous, he’d known all of these things going into this, but he’d still managed to get his hopes up and after a year of his thoughts being consumed by the idea of becoming a father, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

All of this must have shown on his face, because the adoption counselor leaned forward, sympathy written across her face. 

“Please don’t let this discourage you, Mr. Shirogane.”

Shiro scoffed before he could stop himself. 

“I know it looks bleak, but these are all things you can change. I don’t normally say this to people who don’t pass the eligibility requirements, but just based on the time we’ve spent together these past few weeks and the _wonderful_ letters of recommendation your friends submitted, I hope you won’t give up on becoming a parent.”

Shiro nodded, not trusting himself to not say something rude.

_If you think I’m so great, put my name on the list, dammit._

“Thank you, Miss Connors, for your time.”

Now she looked pitying, and Shiro definitely couldn’t handle that, so he quickly shook her hand and made his way out of the office.

Once he reached the car, Shiro pulled his phone out, scrolling through the various texts from his friends asking about how the meeting had gone. He was just considering whether he wanted to reply when a call came in and Lance’s face popped up on the screen.

“How’d it go?” Lance’s unusually serious voice echoed through the cars bluetooth. 

Shiro sighed, trying to untense his shoulders.

“Not great,” he laughed, humorlessly. 

“Fuck,” Lance sounded as disappointed as Shiro felt, but bounced back quickly. “Well, hey, that’s totally not the only option. I know surrogacy is expensive but it’s not like you don’t have the money!”

“I don’t know Lance, this whole thing—Doesn’t it seem kind of…pathetic?”

“What! What are you-“ he squawked. “Wanting to be a parent isn’t pathetic, Shiro! Don’t let this one setback discourage you!”

“My whole life is a setback,” Shiro said, and felt horrified when he realized tears were burning at his eyes and it was obvious in his voice.

“Oh my god, Shiro, no!” Lance sounded alarmed. “Where are you? I’m gonna come over-“

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry,” Shiro pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to will away the tears. Once he was sure he wasn’t about to have a meltdown, he couldn’t help but laugh darkly. “This is probably why my therapist didn’t recommend me.”

“Oh fuck her, what does she know,” Lance replied, tone biting. “You’re gonna be a dad, and you’re gonna be the best one there ever was.”

Shiro smiled at the confidence in his tone, despite the fact that he wasn’t sure he could agree.

“I’m gonna let you go,” Shiro told him.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m fine.”

Lance made a noise as if he didn’t agree but didn’t argue. “Alright, talk to you later Shiro. Call me if you need anything!”

“Yeah, will do.”

+

Shiro had gone home with the burning desire to get absolutely wasted. 

He stopped at the brewery and picked up four six packs, ready to drink until he blacked out – _and maybe this was why he wasn’t eligible for adoption_ – but once he’d gotten home, he’d cracked open a beer and sat on the stool at his kitchen island. 

That had been two hours ago, and he was still sat there, not even half-way through the first can.

A knock at the door pulled him out of his increasingly depressing thoughts.

He wouldn’t have been surprised if Lance had ignored his claims that he was fine, but when he opened the door it was to find Pidge. 

“Hey!” Her voice was bright, standing in his doorway, wearing overalls and a messy ponytail. She looked more twelve than the twenty-one she actually was. “Mind if I come in?”

It was then Shiro realized he’d been standing in the open door for an awkwardly long amount of time. 

“Oh yeah, come in,” Shiro stepped back. 

“Trying to save money on electricity?” Pidge asked, looking around. It had gotten dark while he’d been sitting in the kitchen, and he hadn’t bothered to get up and do anything about it.

God, he was sitting in his kitchen, crying into his beer in the dark. 

There was probably a country song about this.

“No, I’m just…” Shiro trailed off, not bothering to finish the excuse while he turned on some lights. 

Pidge headed straight for the kitchen, snagging a beer from the fridge and grabbing a seat at the island. She smiled at him as she popped it open.

“Soo what’s up?” Shiro asked. It wasn’t unusual for Pidge to come over, they indulged in video games and gossip frequently enough, but she always called first or suggested it while they were at work. 

“I talked to Lance,” her face said everything. “Super shitty.”

“Yeah well,” Shiro sighed, pouring out his warm beer before grabbing another one. “It wasn’t unexpected.”

Pidge nodded. “Right, those requirements were kind of crazy. Besides, none of our therapists are ever gonna recommend us to an adoption agency! Get shot into space in a giant robot lion and suddenly you’re blacklisted from all the normal people things.” 

Shiro smiled at the sentiment. 

“But that’s actually why I’m here. I had a feeling things wouldn’t go so well with the agency and I wanted to pitch something to you.”

Shiro took a sip of his drink, considering. Pidge had that _crazy idea look_ that he’d come to know well over the years.

“What’s on your mind?” 

“I want to be your surrogate.” She smiled, bright and wide.

The can Shiro had been holding loosely in his fingers slipped down to the floor. He jumped back, trying to minimize the spray of alcohol on his fancy dress slacks, while also trying to process the words Pidge had just said.

“What?” He looked at her, alarmed, as he also searched for a dishcloth to mop up the beer. 

“I want to have your baby!” She leaned forward, so that Shiro could still see her face as he cleaned the tile. “I know this seems way out of left field, but I’ve actually thought about it a lot. Ever since you said you wanted to have a baby, actually. I even talked to Matt and my parents about it!”

“Oh…uh, what did they say?”

“They’re totally supportive, duh.”

“Pidge, I don’t know-“ Shiro stood up, tossing the towel in the sink.

“Well I do,” she interrupted. “Look, most people have kids on accident but you’re gay and I’m asexual, neither one of us is going to stumble into this.”

“So…you want to be a mom?” Shiro asked. He hadn’t really considered a mother in the picture.

Pidge held up a hand. “Nah, mom life is not for me. But I could definitely be a fun aunt! And, honestly, the idea of pregnancy is kind of fascinating to me? Like, my body has the ability to _make a person,_ how crazy is that?”

Now that sounded more like the Pidge he knew.

“So you would be the biological mother? Or someone else’s egg?”

“It’d be mine! I mean, as long as you’re okay with your kid turning out short and near-sighted.”

And probably a genius.

“Your family is really okay with this?” Shiro was actually considering this, was he crazy?

“Of course Shiro, my parents already think of you as a son,” Pidge reached out to press a hand to his arm.

For the third time that day, Shiro thought he might cry. 

“Pidge, you’re still so young. And this could be really hard on you—Giving up your child could be traumatizing.” 

“I wouldn’t be giving up my child, Shiro, I would be giving you your child. And it’s not like I would never see them. Let me do this for you.”

“You could be as involved or not involved as you want,” Shiro began.

“That sounds like a yes!”

“This is so crazy Pidge, you know that right?”

“Shiro, in the grand scheme of our lives, this is practically tame.”

+

“Everything I eat makes me barf,” Pidge moaned, sitting down heavily at the table they were all sharing in the mess hall.

“What about that soup I made you?” Hunk asked, rubbing her back supportively. 

“I barfed that up too.”

Shiro had never felt guilt like this, he was sure of it. 

“Is there anything you can eat?” Shiro asked.

“You should try graham crackers!” Lance offered. “That was the only thing my sister could eat for months.”

“Isn’t that kind of…dangerous?” Shiro was positive a pregnant woman couldn’t live off crackers.

“At this point I’ll try anything,” Pidge told Lance before turning to Shiro. “Don’t worry, the baby will be fine, morning sickness is super common.”

“I’m worried about _you_ Pidge, you look miserable.” About as miserable as Shiro felt at having caused it.

“Relax, I knew it would be like this. My mom and I were actually comparing notes on our pregnancies this morning and interestingly enough, she was sick for the entire first trimester with me, but once the second hit she was fine! So if that’s the case, I’ve only got a couple weeks until I’m good to go.”

“If it’s exactly like your mom’s pregnancy, which is might not be,” Shiro stood up. 

“Where are you going?”

“To find you some graham crackers,” he huffed, annoyed. _She was being so blasé about it!_ Like Shiro hadn’t wrecked her life. 

“I’ll take a bag of Cheez-its!” Lance called.

“And a Red Bull!” Keith added. 

+

“I have something you might liiike,” Pidge sing-songed, leaning into the training room. Her stomach was round, incredibly obvious on her small frame. 

“Like my child?” Shiro asked, smiling.

“That one still needs a few more months, but this you can see now!” She held up her hand, and the photo she had clutched in it.

“Is that a sonogram?” He already had one taped to his fridge, he’d stared at in amazement for an hour after she’d first given it to him.

“Yeah, but this one has the sex. Want to know?” 

Shiro had been asking himself that ever since Pidge had texted him a photo of a positive pregnancy test, still wet with pee. 

“I don’t know…” he trailed off.

“Well, you know my opinions on gender,” she walked into the room, holding the photo against her chest to hide it. “But I figured it might help you pick a name.”

That was true…

“Alright, what is it?” Shiro finally asked.

“Tah-dah!” Pidge held the photo up before him, the fuzzy silhouette of a baby was outlined in pink paint pen, the words _It’s a Girl_ written below. “You get a tiny me!”

A girl. He was going to have a girl. A daughter. All because of Pidge’s love and selflessness, and, granted, her weird desire to know and experience everything.

“If my daughter is anything like you, I’ll consider myself very lucky, Pidge.”

“Hey, don’t you start. I’m so hormonal—I cried because I was out of toilet paper this morning.” 

+

Transforming his guest bedroom into a baby’s room was an ordeal. 

Mostly because he’d asked Lance and Keith to help, and they disagreed on everything the entire time. 

They were friends, there was no doubting the love between the two men, but they could still drive Shiro up the wall with their bickering.

“Pink is classic!” 

“Pink is boring as hell and won’t age well. Do you want to be back here painting her room a different color in ten years because she’s grown out of pink? Blue is timeless.”

Shiro wasn’t even sure if they’d still be living in that apartment in ten years but he wasn’t about to throw in his two cents.

“Lots of girls like pink forever, Lance, you’re projecting.”

“Pink looks like Pepto-Bismal, is that what you want for Shiro’s baby? To be constantly nauseated?” 

“First of all, Pepto-Bismal makes you feel better, not sick. Secondly, there are lots of shades of pink-”

“I’m going with lavender,” Shiro told them, pulling the swatch from the rainbow wall of colors. 

“Oh… Lavender would be nice.” Lance looked down at the swatch.

“Yeah, lavender is cool.” Keith agreed. 

+

“Give me the fucking epidural,” Pidge snarled, grabbing the front of the nurse’s scrubs in her tiny fist. 

“Ma’am, your birthing plan clearly says you want a natural birth,” he replied calmly, surely used to this type of behavior.

“Why would she have picked a natural birth?” Lance whispered, leaning over to Shiro and Matt. They were all standing in the hospital room, as far from Pidge’s bed as they could be without looking like they were avoiding her.

“For science,” Matt and Shiro chimed at the same time. 

“Fuck science!” Pidge yelled. Apparently, they weren’t far enough away.

Shiro and Lance had been having lunch when they’d gotten the call from Colleen and met Matt at the hospital. Their friends and family trickled in and out during Pidge’s twelve-hour labor, bringing stuffed animals and balloons.

Now though, it was close to the main act. Nurses were milling around the room, getting everything ready. Colleen came in, placing a warm hand on his back. 

“Shiro, sweetheart, I think it’s time for you all to go wait outside.”

He and Pidge had both agreed that he wouldn’t stay in the room for the actual birth, and her mom has offered to stay by her side. 

“Right, of course.”

“Kick ass, baby sister,” Matt pressed a kiss to Pidge’s sweaty forehead. 

“Try not to let the first word Shiro’s daughter hears be ‘fuck’,” Lance supplied.

Once they were out of the way, Shiro moved closer to the bed, taking Pidge’s hand.

“There are no words I can say to thank you enough, Katie. I love you, you’ve totally got this.”

Pidge smiled. “I love you too, Shiro. Now get out of here before you accidentally catch an eye full.”

Shiro dropped a kiss on the top of her head, and practically bounced out of the room. 

Sitting in the waiting room was pretty much everyone significant to his life. 

Hunk and Shay, Keith, Lance, Allura and Coran. The crew from the Atlas were there as well, Ina clutching a giant stuffed Voltron. Matt and Sam stood next to him, looking as eager as he felt.

It was weird. He’d expected to feel anxious, even scared. But all he felt was excited. 

He couldn’t wait to meet his daughter!

“So have you picked out a name?” Nadia asked, bouncing with energy.

“Kotomi,” he said. “It means beautiful. And don’t tell Pidge, but her middle name will be Kathryn.”

“Ooh Pidge will hate it–I love it!” Matt called, taking a seat with the group. 

“That’s a very nice gesture, Takashi,” Sam told him, clapping a hand to his arm. 

Everyone fell back into their conversations, and Shiro took a seat next to Lance.

“Nervous?”

“Surprisingly, no,” Shiro told him.

“That’s cause you’re ready for this,” Lance replied, pressing a hand to Shiro’s knee. “You’re gonna do great.” His voice was warm, but for some reason it gave Shiro a pang of concern.

Shiro turned to Lance, looking at him fully.

“How have you been?” Shiro asked, trying not to come off too serious.

“What?” Lance laughed. “I’m fine! You’re the one that’s about to be a dad!”

“I feel like every time I see you lately all we talk about is the baby. What’s up with you? How’s Jacob?”

Keith leaned over, suddenly interested in their conversation. “Yeah what’s up with Jacob? Where’s he at?”

“He’s fine, he’s at work right now. He texted to tell you congratulations,” Lance was leaning away from Keith, clearly weirded out by his uncharacteristic interest. 

“He works a lot, yeah?” Keith pried.

“I mean, he’s a lawyer, that’s pretty standard. Why are you asking?”

Keith straightened up, shrugging nonchalantly. “No reason, just enquiring about your life.”

“Well stop, it’s weird.” 

Keith rolled his eyes, moving away to talk to James.

“You’ve been living together for almost a year now, seems serious,” Shiro mentioned casually.

“Don’t start the marriage talk, I get enough of that from my mom.”

Shiro looked at Lance, surprised. “You don’t want to get married?”

That was new. Lance had always had marriage in mind, the ultimate goal in his dating escapades. When Keith had mentioned once that he thought marriage was pointless – _why not just live together?_ – Lance had passionately told him that marriage was a celebration of love. Weddings were an opportunity to share that love with your closest friends and family. 

And true to his word, Lance had cried at Hunk’s wedding, standing up next to him at the alter as his best man. 

Lance was a marrying kind of guy.

“I don’t know—I do, I just…” 

“Jacob doesn’t want to get married?” Shiro offered.

“Oh my god, he’s so cynical!” Lance cried, before looking around to see if anyone had noticed. He lowered his voice the next time he spoke. “I mean, I get it, he’s a divorce lawyer, and he sees the worst side of marriage. But like cool, you see _what not to do,_ you’re already ahead of the game!”

Shiro could see how much this issue was bothering him. The anxiety in his voice was heart wrenching, it made Shiro want to reach out and wrap him up in his arms. 

If Shiro was being honest with himself, he kind of always wanted to wrap Lance up in a hug.

“Does he know how important marriage is to you?” Shiro asked gently.

“He should!” Lance looked away. “Maybe not, I don’t know. I guess I haven’t explicitly come out and said anything.”

“You’ve just got to be honest with-“ Shiro started but was interrupted by a shout from down the hall. 

Colleen stood in the doorway, leaning out. “Come see your daughter, Shiro!”

+

Shiro had been a father for three days and he still couldn’t believe it. 

He’d moved the bassinette into his room, but he couldn’t stare at her as comfortably as he wanted from the bed when she was in it, so she was lying in the seam of his thighs currently, sleeping soundly. 

He knew he should have probably been sleeping too, but he couldn’t stop watching her. Running his fingers through her soft, black hair. He took off the little pink mitten on her hand to squeeze the chubby palm softly.

Her fingernails were so tiny! He’d never seen such miniature features. 

Shiro had spent as much time as possible over at the house Lance had bought for his family. It was Veronica’s idea. He’d needed to get some experience with children, and their family always had kids around. 

But none of the children he’d spent time with had been this young. He’d never held such an itty-bitty baby. 

Shiro had never been so in love in his life. 

Kotomi moved, scrunching up her face and squeezing her hand around the finger that was still holding her palm. She smacked her mouth in a way that Shiro was coming to learn meant she was about to start crying.

Shiro looked around the room alarmed, he’d just given her a bottle and changed her, that couldn’t be it. 

She was just beginning to make squeaky, distressed noises when Shiro finally spotted the pacifier on the night stand. Making sure it was clean, he popped it into her mouth, just before she could get the breath to really scream. 

After a moment, she calmed, little sucking noises that made Shiro grin and coo. 

So far everything had been okay. She ate far more frequently than he’d expected, and after the first time she’d gotten hiccups he’d called Pidge, scared there was something wrong.

She’d laughed and told him Kotomi had had fetal hiccups constantly.

Her cries were sharp and heartbreaking, but Shiro had managed to calm her down fairly quickly every time. It was a cycle – eat, diaper change, sleep. 

He was tired, but years at the Garrison and on the ships had made him a light sleeper, able to run on the smallest amount of rest.

Shiro was beginning to think he had this parenting thing down.

+

Shiro was losing it.

Kotomi’s first two initial pediatrician visits had gone off without a hitch – she was at the perfect weight, reflexes and reactions exactly where they should be – but then something had changed around week three.

After two entire days of nonstop crying, screaming so intense that Shiro found _himself_ crying at one point, he’d taken her into the emergency room in a state of panic. Keith drove them over and sat with Shiro as they watched the doctors check her over, ruling out any possible illnesses. 

Shiro was overwhelmed with relief to hear that there was nothing wrong, except for a case of colic. The doctors gave him pages of information, and explained that she was perfectly healthy, but the intense bouts of crying probably wouldn’t pass for some time – maybe even for a few months. 

“So she’s just going to cry?” While he was happy to hear that she was healthy, another day like the ones he’d just experienced might kill him. “There’s nothing I can do?”

“There are home remedies you can try, and many parents find success with them. Look through the packets we’ve given you and you’ll find a list of suggestions. Just keep in mind that this will pass, Mr. Shirogane, I promise you.”

The nurse crouched down in front of where Shiro sat, putting them closer to eye level. 

He was cute, Shiro couldn’t help noticing. Had he been less exhausted and worried, he might have made a pass at him.

“I do have to tell you, parents of colicky babies are far more likely to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Postnatal depression effects men as well. It’s perfectly okay to set Kotomi down in her bed and walk away, to take some time for yourself.”

Shiro leaned back, shocked and slightly offended.

“I’m not going to shake my baby, if that’s what you’re implying.” Keith made a choking noise besides him. 

“No one plans to,” the nurse told him, not unkindly. “And I’m required by law to tell you that. There are numbers in the packet for helplines you can call if you feel like you need to talk.”

He smiled at Keith then. “And take your friends up on any babysitting offers.”

Shiro and Keith left the hospital in a daze. Kotomi was, mercifully, not crying as Shiro buckled her into the car seat.

“Thanks for driving us to the hospital,” Shiro sounded shattered even to his own ears. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window, not even processing Keith’s reply before he was asleep.

Shiro snapped awake at the sound of the car door slamming shut.

“Whersktomi,” he slurred, whipping his head towards the backseat. 

Keith was already out of the car, pulling Kotomi out of her car seat. By some miracle, she was still asleep.

“I’ve got her,” Keith assured him. “I’m gonna watch her for a little bit while you get some sleep.”

“Keith you don’t have to-“

“What did that dude tell you about passing up on babysitters?” He’d already bundled her up and grabbed the diaper bag. Shiro felt like he should have been more shocked at Keith’s level of competency with his daughter, but he was too tired to think that hard.

“Don’t you have work tomorrow, I don’t want to keep you out late.” 

“Seriously, Shiro, don’t make me call Pidge.”

Shiro held up his hands, beaten. They took the elevator up to his apartment and Shiro opened the door to let them in.

It was kind of a wreck. 

The sink was full of dishes, there were blankets and burp clothes on every piece of furniture, tiny socks and mittens strewn across the floor. Bottles and coffee cups littered all available surfaces. 

“Go get some sleep, I’ll take care of Kotomi,” Keith told him, taking off his shoes and setting down the diaper bag.

Shiro tried to think. “There are diapers in the nursery, and formula is in the cabinet next to the fridge. Uh, there should be a clean bottle by the sink? At least one?” 

“Shiro, we’ll be fine. I can find whatever I need. Go sleep.”

It was honestly the sexiest thing anyone had said to him in a long time, and Shiro couldn’t help pulling Keith into a tight hug, mindful of the baby in his arms. 

“I love you, Keith.”

Keith blushed, looking away. “Yeah, yeah… I love you too.”

Shiro didn’t bother to change out of his jeans before he face-planted into the mattress. He was out like a light. 

+

Shiro woke up to the feeling of sun on his face.

It was a feeling he’d missed more than any other, during the years he’d spent in space. Before Kerberos, Shiro had utilized black-out curtains to keep out the rising sun – not that he slept past sunrise very often, but on those glorious days off when he’d been able to sleep until noon, the last thing he wanted was the sun ruining his plans.

Now, it was his favorite way to wake up. Years of simulated night and day cycles with florescent lighting had left him a huge fan of the warm sun creeping through his giant bay windows. 

It had been awhile since he’d been able to experience it...why was that?

Shiro’s sleepy brain fought to remember.

The baby!

He jumped out of bed, scrambling to the bassinet, which was sitting empty. He was two seconds from panicking when he remembered the day before. 

The nonstop crying, the hospital visit, and Keith. Keith had offered to watch Kotomi while he slept. 

But it had been late afternoon when they had arrived back at the apartment and it was definitely morning now. Not even early morning, it was probably closer to nine or ten.

Shiro walked towards the living room, a little scared of what he might find. 

It was spotless.

Everything was put away where it belonged, the glass coffee table was no longer covered in fingerprints, even all of Kotomi’s tiny clothes had been washed and folded into a neat little pile.

Keith was sprawled on his back across the couch, Shiro’s daughter resting face down on his chest. They were both sound asleep. 

Shiro looked around to find his cell phone before remembering it was still in the pocket of his jeans. He had already snapped about ten photos when he heard a shifting noise from the kitchen. 

Shiro froze, looking around, before walking softly into the kitchen and peaking his head around the corner. 

Lance stood at the sink in the middle of the island, washing dishes. When he saw Shiro he smiled.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.”

“Why are you washing my dishes?” It was not the smartest question he could have asked, but it was all Shiro could come up with.

“So that you’ll have clean dishes to use?” Lance laughed. “Keith sent me an SOS around two am. Luckily I was up.”

“Oh,” Shiro came into the kitchen fully. “You didn’t have to—“

Lance waved him off, splashing water as he did. “No big, I’m happy to help. Sad to hear about Kotomi’s colic but it’s not the end of the world. I’ve seen plenty of colicky babies in my day. I taught Keith how to swaddle, it was highly entertaining.” 

He grinned and Shiro had to laugh at the thought. 

“Coffee?” Lance asked, nodding to the machine by the fridge. 

“Isn’t that my line?” Shiro walked over and began to make the coffee. Lance finished up the dishes behind him. It was intensely domestic and Shiro felt warm at the thought. Once the pot was brewed he poured them both a cup.

“Thank you, Lance. I really appreciate it.”

“You can thank me by not letting it get this bad again.” His voice was sharp, and his expression was hard. “Keith said you were practically dead on your feet. And I’ve never seen so much as a dish left out around here before, so I know you must have been exhausted.”

“Parenting is hard,” Shiro blurted out, running a hand through his unwashed hair. “Like so hard. Every time I think I’ve got it down something pops up to throw me off, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Shiro reached out suddenly, grabbing Lance’s upper arms. 

“I love her Lance, I love her so much, but I’m so scared I’m going to fuck this up. I shouldn’t have done this, Pidge, she shouldn’t—she shouldn’t have trusted me, I’m—“

“Shiro!” Lance turned suddenly to face him, eyes bright. “You’re fine! Everything you’re feeling is totally normal. It’s okay to admit it’s hard. What isn’t okay is to try and take everything on all by yourself.”

Shiro felt himself being pulled into a tight hug, the smell of coffee, and dish soap, and _Lance_ all coming together to soothe his frayed nerves.

“There’s a reason people do this as a couple, Shiro. It takes a lot of work. Hell, half my siblings and cousins moved back in with their parents when they had kids. You need help, that’s totally normal.”

Lance pulled away, grabbing Shiro’s hands in his own. 

“Call us, idiot. We’re here for you. Me, Keith, _Pidge,_ Pidge’s parents! Matt hasn’t stopped trying to get everyone to call him _Uncle Matt,_ make him work for that title!”

Shiro huffed a laugh, enjoying the feeling of Lance’s callused fingers intertwined with his. 

“I know you like to shoulder the responsibility with _everything_ but do your daughter a favor and accept our lovingly offered help.” 

“Alright, I get it,” Shiro pulled his hands back, partly to grab his cup of coffee but also because holding hands with Lance in his kitchen was starting to feel too nice. “I’ll call someone before I have an actual nervous breakdown.”

“That’s all I ask.” 

A sharp cry from the living room had them both turning, Shiro immediately moving to go grab his daughter. A hand on his arm stopped him.

“We’ve handled her all night, we can do a couple more hours while you go shower and change into clothes that you haven’t been wearing for days.”

Shiro blushed, looking down at himself. There was baby spit up and dried milk all down his shirt and pants. 

“Got it, thanks Lance.”

+

Somehow, some way, they had made it to six months. 

“You’re half a year-old today, Kitty!” Shiro clapped her hands together, smiling down at her in the crib. 

The nickname, which Shiro had originally hated, unsurprisingly came from Lance.

“Kotomi Shirogane is such a mouthful—you don’t even go by your full name!”

“It doesn’t make any sense, Lance!”

And despite how much he had tried to stop everyone from using it, the name had stuck. Shiro eventually gave up, Lance actually _cheering_ the first time he heard Shiro call her Kitty. 

“It’s only a matter of time before you’re getting your license, stealing my car to run off on dates,” Shiro told her as he changed her into a clean diaper and onesie. Kotomi laughed, making every attempt to kick off the pants Shiro was trying to put on.

Her laughter was enchanting. It seemed like one day her colic had given way to giggling and then she never stopped. The more Shiro talked to her, the more she laughed, so he made a habit out of narrating everything they did.

He found himself doing it even when she wasn’t there, thoroughly amusing his crew. 

Shiro masterfully dressed her – socks and all – despite the wiggling, thwarting every attempt she made to roll over. She’d only managed it a couple days ago but since then she rolled over as much as possible. 

He was already kind of fearful of when she started crawling.

Shiro was almost all ready to head to the Garrison. He had just popped a bottle into Kotomi’s mouth, the hazel eyes she’d inherited from Pidge staring up at him adoringly, when his phone pinged. 

Shifting her into a one arm hold, he pulled it from his pocket, intrigued when he saw it was from Lance. They were going to see each other in a few hours, it was odd that he would text before work like this. 

Opening the message, he took in the selfie of Lance and Jacob kissing – _was that the Eiffel Tower in the background?_ – and a long block of text.

 **Lance:** _Sorry to do this in a text message but it was kind of sudden. Jacob and I ELOPED! I’m sure you have a lot of questions and I’ve got all the answers, but I’m currently in Paris and won’t be back for a few days. Keith is probably gonna be pissed but oh well! Give my Kitten lots of kisses for me, see you when we get back <3_

Shiro stared at his phone, the text blurring indecipherably. 

Lance and Jacob had gotten married. 

Lance was married…

 _Married._ Marriedmarriedmarried. The word repeated in Shiro’s head over and over until it lost all meaning, the sound foreign and strange.

He mentally shook himself. This was good! Lance loved Jacob, and while Shiro had never really warmed to the guy, he definitely treated Lance well and obviously loved him. Lance was happy, that was all that mattered.

It was just weird that Lance would elope, that was all.

He always said he wanted a big wedding, with all of his friends and family. 

Of course, that had been years ago. Maybe things had changed…but surely, he would have said something to Shiro, right? They were best friends!

Once more his phone pinged, and then again and again, a series of text messages coming in. 

**Keith:** _oh my god did lance text you_

 **Keith:** _i can’t believe that asshole just jaunted off to paris like we don’t have jobs to do_

 **Keith:** _and then text me an hour before work_

 **Keith:** _”sorry, eloped in paris, be back in a few!” thanks for the heads up. dick_

 **Keith:** _he did text you, right? did you know he was going to do this? i feel like you would have told me if you knew lance was gonna leave_

Shiro switched his phone to silent and put it back in his pocket. There was no way he could deal with Keith’s barrage of text messages just then. 

Kotomi squirmed in his arms, spitting out the nipple of the now empty bottle, gurgling in annoyance at being held so uncomfortably. 

“Sorry, baby,” Shiro told her, tossing the bottle in the sink and maneuvering her into a more comfortable hold against his chest.

Shiro stood in the kitchen, bouncing his daughter gently, while he thought about Lance’s text message. He tried to assess his feelings, tried to push down the shock to get to the core of why he was really so upset by the news. 

Because that’s what he was – upset. And if he were being really honest with himself, hurt.

Shiro had always assumed that when Lance got married he’d be there. 

Maybe they weren’t as close as he thought they were. 

It was true, Kotomi’s presence in his life had changed things for him and the way he spent time with his friends. It wasn’t like he could stroll down to the bar and have drinks for a few hours whenever he wanted.

But it wasn’t like Lance wasn’t around all the time! He came over constantly to give Shiro a break, and just to spend time with Kotomi. Lance _loved_ her.

Plus, Shiro saw him almost every day at work. 

Going back to the Garrison had been instrumental in getting Shiro’s life back on track after his daughter’s birth. Three months of staying home pretty much all day, every day had been stifling and coupled with Kotomi’s colic, Shiro had thought he was going to go crazy. 

He finally knew why that nurse had given him such cryptic advice. Not that he ever considered hurting Kotomi, or even come close to being that overwhelmed, but he understood how someone could be driven to that point. If he hadn’t had his friends, if he hadn’t had _Lance,_ there was no telling how he would have made it through.

But being back at work, with other adults, and responsibilities outside of diaper changes and spit up—it was nice. 

Shiro knew how lucky he was to be in his position. One where he could bring Kotomi into work if he wanted, strapped across his chest in the little baby carrier Hunk and Shay had gotten him. Or drop her off with Colleen or Sam, or any one of the countless friends that offered their babysitting services. Even on the days he kept her with him while he worked, he barely held her with how often she was passed around by the crew members.

He’d been planning to keep Kotomi with him that day, he didn’t have anything too crazy scheduled, but after Lance’s text message…he kind of felt like maybe he should find someone to take her for the day. He needed to spend some time in the training deck, working through this odd, painful feeling in his chest.

Maybe he should call his therapist? He _had_ been trying to put more effort into their sessions since Kotomi’s birth. But what was he going to say - _my friend got married without telling me and now I feel weird?_

Kitty was beginning to get antsy, pushing at his shoulder and babbling. She couldn’t speak yet, but he could tell she was getting close. Keith and Lance were in a fierce competition to see who’s name she would say first. 

“You wanna stay with Grandma today, Kitty? Or maybe Uncle Matt?” 

She continued to chatter, drooling on his uniform jacket.

Shiro called Colleen on his way down to the car, making plans to drop the baby off with her. Once he had her settled with everything she needed and lots of drooly kisses, Shiro made his way to work.

Keith was waiting for him when he got there.

“Can you believe that guy?” His voice and expression were not nearly as annoyed as his words would have indicated.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Shiro told him, dropping off his messenger bag and walking over to the coffee maker.

“So I take it you didn’t know?” Keith pried.

“No.” Shiro internally winced at the clipped tone of his voice.

Keith whistled. “Are you okay?”

Shiro turned around, forehead creased in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Keith’s made a face that Shiro couldn’t decipher. “I don’t know…why wouldn’t you…?”

Shiro rolled his eyes, looking away. Keith was always so cryptic when it came to personal type things.

“Well, I had the main training deck reserved for the day but without Lance it’s not like we can run any team drills, so I changed the reservation to your crew,” Keith informed him.

Keith knew him well, that was for sure. Shiro was already planning the ways he was going to run his team ragged. It had been awhile since they’d done anything _really intense_ as a group.

“Thanks, Keith,” Shiro clapped him on the shoulder as he went.

+

“Oh my god, did we do something?” James murmured under his breath to Ryan. “Are we being punished?”

The marksmen looked over from his position on the floor mid-crunch, and shook his head, wide eyed. 

Both were covered in sweat. They all were, even Shiro, who was close enough that he could hear their attempts at whispering.

The girls were quiet, playing more of a _if we don’t do anything, maybe he’ll forget we’re here_ type of game.

Like Shiro was a dinosaur.

Alright, maybe he was going overboard. For reasons he wasn’t ready to examine. But it wasn’t the Atlas crew’s fault.

“Okay guys, we’re done for the day, good job.” Shiro called, jumping up to a standing position. He was actually a little sore, he was probably going to be feeling this day’s efforts in full force tomorrow.

He pretended not to hear their exhalations of relief. 

“See ya later, boss!” Nadia called, booking it out of the room as quickly as possible, Ina hot on her heels. 

Ryan and James moved at a much more sedate pace, but he could tell they were dying to get away before Shiro could suggest any other exercises. 

Shiro took his time, wiping down the equipment they’d used that day, giving his team time to shower without him looming over them. Besides the fact that he already wasn’t in a very good mood, there was a level of privacy he wanted to afford them as their captain and leader.

After a sufficient amount of time had passed, he headed to the locker rooms, reaching behind his head to pull his shirt off within seconds of walking through the door. 

Once it was off, he was slightly startled to see James still there, washed and dressed but looking through his gym bag, searching for something.

He smiled hesitantly at Shiro’s arrival.

“Captain,” he greeted, formal as ever.

“Lose something, Griffin?” Shiro was on a first name basis with all of his crew, they’d been working together for years, and were as close to family as any of Voltron. But James had a habit of falling into formalities when he was nervous about something, and Shiro found that using his last name tended to call him out on it. 

James blushed, looking back into his bag as he pawed through whatever was inside.

“Oh, um, just looking for my phone, it’s in here somewhere…”

Shiro paid him no mind, turning to the locker he utilized, punching in the code to open it. He was just pulling out his toiletry kit when James spoke again, face down towards his bag. 

“Is everything okay…Shiro?” 

Shiro paused, suddenly tense. After a beat too long, he finally replied, not turning away from the locker. 

“Yeah everything’s good. Sorry, I might have pushed you guys a little too hard today…”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle,” James assured him. 

Shiro released a deep breath, ready to let the issue drop when he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder. 

“If there’s anything you want to talk about…the team, we’re here for you. I’m here for you…”

Shiro sighed, finally turning, only to be slightly alarmed at how close James was standing. The fact that he hadn’t noticed his movement only showed where Shiro’s head was at. 

He looked down into his soft blue eyes. James had grown up a lot over the years. While he was still fairly _by-the-book,_ sometimes to a fault, he’d let go of a lot of his youthful anger and jealousy. He was a fine pilot and a good person. Someone Shiro considered a friend. 

And probably someone that he could confide in. 

Shiro had been presented with an opportunity to talk about his feelings. To try to explain why he was so upset about Lance getting married without telling him, figure out what the burning ache in his chest meant. 

Instead, what he did was reach out, cup the side of James face and pull him in for a kiss. 

He both heard and felt the way James gasped, tensing slightly, before relaxing into the chaste, gentle kiss. Shiro pulled back a little to observe wide, surprised eyes. Without thought he pulled him back in. 

This time James responded, reaching up to press his hands against Shiro’s chest, sliding up his shoulders to grasp the back on his neck. Shiro breathed deep, reveling in the fragrance of shampoo and sweat and the unmistakably scent of another man. 

Winding his hands into James hair, he turned them both suddenly, pressing the smaller man back against the locker doors, pushing his tongue into the open, begging mouth.

God, it had been _so long._

There’d been nobody since he’d decided to have a child, so focused on becoming a father he’d let his personal, physical needs fall to the wayside. 

And James was ideal, really. Slight and willowy but strong, silky brown hair that fell into his face alluringly, big dark blue eyes that always watched Shiro – thinking that he didn’t know. 

He tightened one of the hands in James hair, pulling his head back sharply, exposing the long line of his neck to Shiro’s mouth. His other hand he slid down James back, caressing the broad expanse of muscle before settling on his hip, pulling him flush against Shiro. 

Shiro was hard. Years of celibacy coupled with the roar of emotion and his sudden burning desire to have James right there in the locker room, where anyone could walk in.

Shiro bit down sharply at pale skin, and James gasped, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders, hanging on. 

_”Shiro.”_ It was moaned against his ear, heavy with feeling, and suddenly Shiro’s conscious perked up.

James _liked_ him. Had been harboring a crush for years. Shiro wasn’t sure of the depth of his feelings, but he did know James hadn’t really dated anyone the entire time Shiro had known him.

And Shiro might have been enjoying the way James was currently wrapped up around him, moaning his name and trembling with need, but he didn’t share those same feelings. 

He pulled away, somewhat reluctantly, and felt even worse when he saw the genuine hurt in James eyes. 

“I’m sorry, James, I—“ Shiro began but James cut him off, running a hand through his hair to straighten it up, looking away to the room around them.

“Don’t be sorry, _please,”_ he huffed a laugh, but it sounded empty. “Guess you must have really needed that if you kissed _me.”_

Oh, fuck. Shiro felt a sharp, sick twinge in his stomach at the tone. 

“James, I don’t—“ he tried to reach out, but James was already out of his radius, shouldering his bag. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow!” His voice was odd, tight and controlled. He was out of the locker room before Shiro could blink. 

Shiro looked around, overwhelmed, taking in the way his toiletries were now scattered over the floor and his dick was tenting his gym pants. 

Angry, for a myriad of reasons, Shiro turned around and punched the locker door with his right hand, denting the metal. 

+

Shiro had never been so happy to pick up Kotomi from Colleen’s.

Her happy squealing the second Shiro walked through the door, the feel of her chubby hands pressed to his face, and her soothing clean-baby scent.

“She’s going to talk any day now!” Colleen looked on as Kotomi gummed at Shiro’s collar, dribbling everywhere. “I can tell she’s got a lot to say.”

“Probably _who are all these people?”_ Shiro swiped at the drool uselessly.

“She is very popular! Matt says the engineers all fight over who gets to play with her.”

“It’d be nice if they fought over who gets to change her.”

Colleen laughed and pressed a kiss to Kotomi’s thick hair and then Shiro’s cheek. 

“Let me know if you want me to watch her tomorrow, I was planning to go with Sam to the Garrison, but I can still take her if you need.”

“Oh, you don’t have to—“ Shiro began but Colleen waved him off. 

“I love spending time with my granddaughter, Shiro, it’s never a bother. _Is it, Kitty? No, you’re no bother at all!”_

Shiro grinned as the older woman fell into baby-talk. It was one of the things that amused him the most about his interactions with people as a dad. So many people switched over to it seemingly without thought.

Kotomi bubbled with laughter, kicking her legs uselessly, waving her arms at her grandmother. She had his thick, black hair and fair skin, but her sharp hazel eyes and upturned nose were all Holt.

Matt swore up and down that he would never have any kids, not that Shiro believed him – he knew that the second Matt fell for a woman who expressed interest in kids he’d be all about it. But Pidge certainly never wanted kids, beyond the one she’d borne Shiro, so Kotomi was likely to be the only Holt grandchild for a long time and Sam and Colleen were obsessed with her.

Bidding goodbyes, with the baby only fussing a little bit until Shiro distracted her with a stuffed lion, they headed home.

The second they were through the door it was a whirlwind of activity. 

Kotomi needed to be changed and then fed—and then bathed and then changed and fed again. Only once she was laid out on the living room floor, underneath a portable mobile and surrounded by toys, could Shiro finally eat and clean up, throwing laundry into the wash and attempting to straighten up any disasters that remained from the morning. 

By then Kotomi was fussy, ready for one last diaper change and bed. An LED monitor in her crib that glowed a soothing blue and made ocean noises – a gift from Lance, of course – was his saving grace. It instantly distracted her, allowing him to sneak out without a big ordeal. 

Once Shiro was in his bedroom he switched on the monitor, listening to the sounds from the other room. It was silent beyond the ocean noises, and Shiro relaxed, knowing he had at least a solid six hours till she woke up again. 

Kitty had taken really well to sleeping in her own room, but she still woke up occasionally in the middle of the night and usually on those nights Shiro just brought her into his room, laying her in between himself and a barrier of pillows. 

In his night clothes already, a soft black tee shirt and grey sweatpants, Shiro lay back against his pillows. It was still kind of early, but he was pretty exhausted from the training they’d done that day. 

Thoughts of training released the flood of memories from earlier that he had been able to push aside with parenting.

Now, laying in his bed, he had nothing to distract him from what had happened. From what he’d done. 

Fuck. What had Shiro been thinking? A moment of weakness and poor decisions led him to take advantage of another person’s feelings for him. 

How was he going to face James tomorrow? The only comforting thought was that James was too professional to run off and tell anyone else on the team. There was no way he could handle all of their disappointment at once.

They all knew James had a crush on him. It was a very poorly kept secret, one Shiro had been aware of from the beginning. He’d never really considered James in that way, his past history with Keith that Shiro was intimately familiar with coupled with his brash, know-it-all attitude had put him off. 

But James had grown up a lot since then, not just emotionally but physically. Their kiss had made that obvious. James was a grown man, one Shiro definitely found attractive…but he was his subordinate! 

Shiro rolled his eyes at his own behavior. At least with this disaster he had very little time to dwell on Lance’s text message. Shifting over to grab his phone from his bedside, he pulled up the contact list, and typed out a message. 

**Shiro:** _I know you told me not to apologize for what happened today, but I really need to. I let my emotions get the better of me, not just in the locker room, but with the team exercises too. Please know that I never want to hurt you and I’m sorry that I did. I care about you a lot, James._

Was that too much? Or not enough? Too vague? Shiro deliberated for a moment before pressing the send button. 

Before he even had time to look away from the screen he saw the _read_ checkmark appear, and after a minute, three bubbles popped up underneath his message. 

**James:** _It’s fine!_

 **James:** _Well, it’s not fine, but you know._

 **James:** _Thanks for texting me, I was kind of worried…_

 **James:** _I can’t pretend I didn’t enjoy it!_

 **James:** _Please forget I said that._

Shiro smiled at the series of text messages. He and Keith were serial double texters, too impatient to take their time with one text message. They were a lot alike, really. 

**Shiro:** _Still, it was inappropriate and I’m sorry that I worried you._

As Shiro sent his reply a thought struck him, sending his heart racing and his stomach fluttering. Before he could think better of it, he replied again. 

**Shiro:** _But it was enjoyable._

Shiro held his breath, watching anxiously as the three bubbles appeared, then disappeared, and reappeared – the author clearly deliberating on what to say. 

**James:** _Well if you ever need to be distracted again, you know where to find me!_

Shiro’s pulse was wild, his heart hammering. What was he doing, propositioning his crew member? Hitting on his friend? 

Making a mistake?

Shiro wavered for a moment before replying.

 **Shiro:** _I’ll remember that._

Flipping his phone over, he laid it on the nightstand before he could see if there was a reply. 

God, this was such an idiotic thing to do. 

Well, it wasn’t fucking off to Paris and eloping idiotic, but…

Shiro instantly felt guilty at that thought. Lance had married his boyfriend, not some random dude he picked up at a bar. 

Not some coworker he’d molested in a locker room. 

And honestly, when was the last time Shiro had done anything reckless? That craziest thing he’d done in years was have a baby, and _that_ had been after a year of careful consideration and planning. 

He was not the wild, irresponsible type. Even the men he brought home were nameless, faceless risk-free hook-ups.

Shiro hadn’t had sex with someone he had actual feelings for since _Adam_ and that was probably half the reason he had been so put off on the idea of a real relationship. Their break up and then his death—it was like losing him twice. Shiro didn’t need that again. 

With James… There was a lot of risk involved. Mostly on James side. 

But if he was willing to take that risk, maybe Shiro was willing to too. 

His text message wasn’t a lie, it _had_ been enjoyable. Too enjoyable, honestly, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have been lying there agonizing over it. He would have apologized via text and that would have been the end of it. 

James was definitely his type though. Thin but fit, long legs that met a cute round ass, beautiful eyes. His reactions to Shiro’s kiss had been provocative, the way he’d clutched at Shiro’s shoulders, moaning in his ear. 

Shiro shivered, reaching down to palm himself through his sweatpants. He was hard again, overly sensitive from the lack of release earlier and the memory of it. Biting his lip, feeling guilty just at the idea of jerking off to thoughts of James but unable to help himself, Shiro reached into his pants, wrapping a hand around his cock.

He was harder than he remembered being in a long time, wet at the tip with slick precum. He swiped his thumb through it, pulling his hand out to lick across the palm quickly before shoving it back in, grasping himself tightly. 

He thought of James pushed against the lockers, panting in his ear, and stroked firmly. Shiro had inconspicuously checked out his ass more than once, and he imagined it would be firm but giving, fitting in his hand perfectly. 

Shiro could probably find out if he wanted, James had basically said so tonight. Shiro pulled his tee shirt up, shoving the hem into his mouth so that he could scratch across his chest, pinching at his nipples. 

James was so straight-laced, he would probably be really timid and shy in bed. Not like Lance. Lance would be wild, Shiro was sure of it. 

Fuck, they kind of looked alike, in body type. 

Long, well-muscled arms and legs, lean thighs wrapped around his waist, Shiro’s thoughts bled between the two, light skin to dark, tight little pink nipples to brown peaks Shiro wanted to wrap his mouth around and suck. 

With a shout muffled by his tee shirt, he came, cum arcing up high into the air and landing across his stomach. He stroked himself through it, shooting again and again until he felt like he might pass out. When it was over, he released his mouthful, and the otherwise silent room was filled with the sound of his panting. 

Holy shit.

Had he just masturbated to thoughts of James _and_ Lance?

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Shiro threw an arm over his face as he waited for his pulse to slow, finally sitting up when the cum across his stomach and chest had cooled offputtingly.

Standing up he stripped the shirt off, swiping it across his chest before he threw it into the laundry basket. He was just making peace with the fact that he’d probably need to shower again when he caught sight of a pack of baby wipes on the second shelf of his nightstand.

Parenting had its perks.

+

_Shiro stood at the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water. He reached in, pulling out a baby bottle, which he then scrubbed until spotless. Before he could turn to place it on the drying rack, a hand reached over to take it._

_Shiro turned, surprised and pleased to find Lance standing there._

_“You wash, I dry? Isn’t that how we always do things?”_

_That was true, that was how they always did things. They had a system down, a perfect routine._

_Shiro turned back to the sink, and found another bottle, washing it before he handed it to Lance._

_This seemed to go on forever. There was no way Kotomi needed these many bottles; where had they even come from?_

_“You have more than you need,” Lance observed, leaning over to peer into the sink. It looked no emptier than when they had started._

_“I don’t know how I ended up with all of these!”_

_Lance laughed and wrapped his arms around his waist. “You asked for them!”_

_But when Shiro looked down, they were no longer standing at the sink. They were standing on a balcony, looking out over a sprawling city._

_“Asked for what?” Shiro enquired, confused by Lance’s phrasing._

_He looked over to ask Lance again but when he finally caught Lance’s eye, he’d forgotten what he was going to say._

_What did it matter? They were in Paris._

_“We should get married every year, this is the best,” Lance stepped in close, pressing his body up against Shiro’s._

_“We can get married every month if you want,” Shiro promised him, winding his hands into Lance’s hair and drawing him close enough so that their mouths could meet, tongues sliding against each other heatedly._

_Lance moaned low in his throat, sliding his hands around Shiro’s waist, pulling him in tight._

_God, he loved kissing Lance. He loved being near him._

_Loved everything about him._

+

Shiro woke with a start, a sharp cry from the baby monitor catching his attention immediately. 

He lay still for a moment, trying to remember the dream he’d just had. It was hazy, but he felt so soft thinking about it, a sort of warm euphoria – like love. He wanted to fall back asleep and try to recapture it before it was too late. 

Another cry from the nightstand had him abandoning that thought, heading towards the nursery. 

Once Kotomi was changed and calmed down, he brought her back to the bedroom, snagging a bottle on the way. Propping himself up on some pillows, Shiro cradled her in the corner of his arm and watched her tiredly search for the nipple, gurgling happily once it was in her mouth. 

Shiro wasn’t sure what it was, but he loved feeding her. Something about the way she watched him so adoringly, it melted his heart every time. He was already sad just thinking about switching her to solid food and had put it off for maybe longer than necessary. 

The pediatrician said it was fine though since she hadn’t gotten any teeth in yet. 

So for now, Shiro selfishly enjoyed the unadulterated devotion on his daughters face. It was unbelievably amazing to love someone so much and see it mirrored back. He had probably never truly experienced it until now. Maybe with his own parents at one point, but he didn’t remember. 

Shiro wanted to make sure Kotomi would never be able to look back on her life and not remember a time that someone looked at her with absolute love. 

When she was done and asleep, he settled against the bed – her little chubby body held against his chest – and fell back asleep.

He didn’t have the dream again, but it was okay, because he already felt happy and loved. 

+

“Lance says you’re avoiding him,” Keith announced as he walked onto the bridge of the Atlas, taking advantage of a rare moment that Shiro was actually alone.

“I’m not avoiding him.”

He was avoiding him.

“Are you still mad he ran off to Paris without telling us? Cause if anyone should be pissed about that, it’s me, and I’m already over it. Kind of.” Keith leaned on the display system, covering the screen Shiro was trying to work at.

Shiro looked up, unamused.

“I wasn’t ever mad, I was surprised. I just haven’t seen him around since he got back.”

“Because you’re avoiding him. It’s been like two weeks, when’s the last time you went two weeks without seeing Lance?” Keith pried and Shiro finally had enough. 

“Why do you care?” He snapped. “I thought you didn’t give a shit about anyone’s personal life? You keep yours secret enough.”

Keith rocked back, eyes wide. “Whoa man, calm down. I’m just asking.”

Shiro looked back to his screen, unwilling to comment on his outburst.

“And anyway, I’m not secretive about my personal life, I just don’t have one.”

Shiro paused, intrigued despite himself. Keith never talked about his life outside of work, or lack thereof, except in regard to their friends.

“Not seeing anyone?” It was a stupid question, Keith was never seeing anyone. Shiro liked to think that if he ever did, he would know. He asked him once, when they were drunk – Shiro just drunk enough to pry and Keith just drunk enough to answer – if he was asexual, but Keith had shaken his head and waved it off. 

“No, I like people, in theory,” Keith had laughed. Shiro had taken note of his use of the word _people_ and tucked that information away for another day. 

But still, Keith seemed to not have met anyone he was interested in. 

“The closest I come to dating is babysitting your daughter,” Keith told him, matter-of-factly. 

Shiro hummed. “You and me both.”

“Can you just talk to Lance? Stop being weird, he’s driving me up the wall.”

Shiro shook his head at Keith’s bitching but promised to reach out to Lance soon. 

It wasn’t that he’d meant to avoid Lance, really. Well at first he had, the memory of jerking off to thoughts of him still fresh in his mind, but then it was just weird. Shiro had never texted Lance back after his marriage reveal, despite the fact that Lance had texted him three more times since then – twice with anecdotes from his trip and then finally a text asking if everything was okay. 

And it was! Everything was okay. Lance was happy and Shiro was happy for him and that was that. 

So why was he being such a little bitch about it?

Shiro had yet to share any of this with his therapist.

Later that day, Shiro went looking for Lance, finding him down at the shooting range with Ryan. They had become fast friends, Ryan perfectly content to listen to Lance chatter away unceasingly. Shiro knew that they occasionally went out to dinner, apparently Jacob was a big fan of the other marksman. 

The second Shiro came through the door the firing stopped, Lance and Ryan both turning to look at their intruder.

“Shiro!” Lance sounded so happy to see him, it physically hurt. 

Why had he been avoiding Lance this whole time? This was his best friend, one of his absolute favorite people. He loved being around Lance.

Shiro paused for a moment at that thought, an odd sense of déjà vu washing over him. 

Before he could think on it anymore, Lance was throwing his arms around him in a hug, then pulling back suddenly to punch him directly in the chest. 

_”Ohfuck,”_ Shiro gasped out. Lance hit hard!

“Consider yourself lucky, I’m holding a gun,” he held it up his bayard, as if Shiro needed a visual reminder, before deactivating it.

Shiro could hear Ryan laughing under his breath as he cleaned and dismantled his rifle. He made quick work of it, clearly trying to give Shiro and Lance space. 

With a low “See ya,” tossed over his shoulder, they were alone. 

Shiro touched the back of his neck, it was warm with embarrassment. 

“Hey Lance,” he sounded as sheepish as he felt.

“Dude, where have you been? Where is my baby girl? Why am I having to go through _Keith_ to get to you?” 

Trust Lance to throw it all out there.

“I’ve been busy, sorry, I didn’t mean to be distant. Kitty is with Pidge today, but I was just about to go grab her if you wanted to come?”

“Yes, I have a distinct lack of baby drool in my life and it’s throwing off my game. Don’t even look at the targets, Kinkade was kicking my ass,” he pulled Shiro towards the door, as if he really didn’t want Shiro to look. 

Shiro laughed, letting himself be caught up in the whirlwind that was Lance. Once they were out in the hall and headed towards engineering, Lance spoke again.

“So, I never really heard from you after I got married,” he sounded slightly anxious.

Shiro flushed, mentally berating himself. He’d prepared for this moment. 

“Yeah, sorry… I guess I was just kind of shocked, always thought you’d do the whole _bridezilla_ thing.” He laughed and tried to sound normal.

Lance laughed too, but it was less forced. “Yeah well, Jacob has always been so antimarriage to begin with, I had to sacrifice a little bit. And what’s a marriage without compromise!”

Shiro nodded, that was true, he supposed. The inability to compromise had been the nail in the coffin of his only relationship. And Lance was definitely the expert in this area. 

Lance spoke again and this time he sounded genuinely nervous. 

“I was worried that maybe you were mad I got married at all,” he clutched at the corners of his jacket, a nervous tic Shiro recognized from years of watching Lance.

And that was the statement of the century, really. The thought that had been eating at him since the second he’d gotten Lance’s text message. Did he not approve of their marriage? Not that it was his place to approve or disapprove, but still…

Despite this, Shiro quickly assured. “No! Don’t be ridiculous, I’m really happy for you. I know how much you wanted to get married.”

He pointedly did not say to whom.

“It’s just, I know you and Jacob have never really gotten along,” Lance said and Shiro opened his mouth to interrupt, to deny what they both knew was true. “No, it’s fine, you’re both have strong personalities. I get it.”

Strong personalities. That was one way to put it. 

Jacob had never really done anything to warrant Shiro’s dislike, but then again, he’d never really done anything to endear himself to Shiro either. 

He was nice to Lance, treated him well and clearly loved him. Didn’t spend as much time with him as Shiro thought Lance craved – deserved – but he was career oriented and Shiro could relate. He was attractive, objectively Shiro could see that – tall and well dressed, with a trendy haircut and nice eyes.

And the others all seemed to like him, no one had any concerns – certainly none that they shared with Shiro, so he figured his was just a personal grudge against the guy, not anything serious. 

What it actually came down to was that he just couldn’t relate to Jacob, or really anyone outside of their friend group. He’d lived a life that most couldn’t believe, let alone understand. Even with the _new normal,_ aliens coexisting on Earth, Shiro had a hard time finding common ground with anyone that didn’t have some degree of similar experiences. 

Lance had expressed something like that once too. Said it was the reason he dated so many people, never settling on one. It was hard to be open and honest about the things that they had seen and done. 

Maybe Shiro was just surprised that Lance settled on someone they didn’t work with. 

_Settle_ was a rude word, but Shiro couldn’t help thinking it. 

None of these things Shiro could tell Lance though. Maybe he should have, in the beginning, or even a few weeks ago. But now they were married, and Shiro’s opinions on the matter had no bearing. 

“It’s not that I don’t like him,” Shiro tried to assure Lance, despite his thoughts to the contrary. “I guess you guys just started dating around the time I was planning for Kitty,” _also not true, Lance had been dating him for a solid six months before Shiro really got serious about parenting,_ “and I was all caught up in that. I should have made more time to get to know him.”

The idea made Shiro want to choke, but he tamped it down, and he was glad he did when Lance smiled up at him softly.

“I really want you guys to be friends,” he said earnestly and Shiro felt that stab of guilt he got anytime Lance turned puppy dog eyes on him.

“We will be, I’ll…” Shiro felt like he was trying to speak through a mouthful of honey, “make more of an effort.”

Lance’s resulting smile made the struggle worth it, and Shiro firmly pushed down the fuzzy feeling Lance’s happiness always brought him. Now was not the time.

They were quiet for the rest of the walk, until finally they reached the engineering block, strolling into the room they knew Pidge spent most of her time.

Kotomi looked up from her spot on the table – Shiro knew she was safe, Pidge had installed barriers that kept her from being able to roll off the side, but it still gave him anxiety to see – and immediately starting babbling, a steady stream of _la-la-la_ as she reached for Lance. 

“Kitten, look at you sitting up all on your own!” Technically she was propped against a pillow, but she definitely had more stability than the last time Lance had seen her. “And you’re so close to saying my name, I can’t wait to rub your uncle Keith’s face in it.”

Hardly fair—K sounds were a lot harder to form, but Shiro wasn’t about to point that out. She had yet to say anything close to _Daddy_ but who was keeping score. 

Lance reached through the barrier, plucking Kotomi up and smooshing his face into her stomach, making loud kissing noises.

At that moment Pidge appeared through the doorway Shiro knew led to the bathroom and smiled brightly. 

“Well, am I happy to see you,” she started, the picture of relief. 

“Was there trouble?” Shiro was instantly concerned, turning to his daughter, who was still highly entertained with Lance’s coddling. 

“You failed to mention she’s teething,” Pidge’s face spelled unamused. “I’ve never seen so much drool in my life.”

Lance laughed, quickly turning it into a cough at Pidge’s expression. Shiro felt guilty though. Beyond the drool, Kotomi was fussy and quick to cry from the discomfort.

“I’m sorry Pidge, you should have texted me, I would have come and grabbed her.”

“Matt came by and kept her entertained for a lot of the day, but seriously, there’s got to be something you can do to stop the drool. Maybe like a hospital mask?” It was clear she was talking to herself at this point, expression already faraway as she plotted. 

“You’re not putting my daughter in a mask, Pidge. It’ll pass. And I did pack like ten extra bibs!” 

Pidge was already not listening, making notes on the computer, hopefully not on designs for a baby mask. 

Shiro moved to gather Kotomi’s things and Lance waved her tiny hand at Pidge. “Say – _bye-bye Auntie Pidge! You’d think you’d be more used to my bodily fluids since I came out of your hoo-haa but whatever!”_

Pidge rubbed her face, clearly grossed out. “Please never discuss my _hoo-haa_ Lance, I can’t believe I even have to say that.”

Lance merely laughed, continuing to wave Kotomi’s hand. Once Shiro was all packed up, Lance held her out for Pidge to say bye. 

Pidge pressed a fat kiss to her forehead, cleanly avoiding the mess of her mouth. “I love you, my disgusting, drool-covered spawn.” 

Pidge never baby talked, she held firm to the belief that Kotomi needed to hear _clear, articulated words_ if she ever wanted to master the English language. 

Shiro kind of agreed with her, but he just couldn’t help baby talking now and then.

Kotomi squealed in happiness, she loved being around Pidge. Shiro theorized it was because even at six months she still remembered the voice and essence of her biological mother, but Pidge maintained it was more likely that she found her glasses and wild hair entertaining. 

Once they were outside and the baby was strapped into her car seat, Lance turned to look at him.

“Dinner? Tonight? Let’s catch up?” He was using the puppy dog eyes he knew Shiro couldn’t resist. 

Shiro agreed and they found themselves at a restaurant down the block from Shiro’s apartment, Kotomi passed between their laps as they ate and talked. 

Lance told him all about his Paris trip and Shiro drank progressively more wine, until the sound of the name _Jacob_ didn’t grate at him quite so much. When they were done, Shiro felt the effects of the alcohol more than slightly. 

“You gonna be okay, buddy?” Lance laughed, reaching out to steady him. “Need me to walk you home?”

Shiro rolled his eyes, waving him off. “I think I can make it down the street, thanks.”

“Are you sure? Jacob said he just pulled up, but if you want me to help put Kitty to bed, I can tell him to wait.”

“I’m fine Lance, really. I appreciate the offer.” 

Lance squinted at him like he really didn’t quite believe him but dropped the subject. Once they were outside, Lance exchanged kissed with Kotomi, who immediately started crying when she realized Lance wasn’t coming with them. 

_“I know, I’m your favorite. You’re my favorite too! I wish I could just take you with me!”_ Lance baby talked to her.

Any other time Shiro would have made a joke saying he could take her, but the shadow of Jacob’s car against the curb in the corner of his eye had him tense. Shiro couldn’t help noticing that Jacob didn’t get out of the car to say hi – their refusal to bond was definitely a two-way street.

“Take care of my baby girl, Shiro,” Lance finally spoke to him, sans baby talk. He pressed a kiss to Shiro’s cheek before bouncing off to the car. 

Shiro tried not to look but he could tell from the way Lance leaned over the center console that they greeted each other with a kiss.

Suddenly all of the warm, happy feelings he’d cultivated over dinner were gone. Once he reached the house, he ran through his routine as quickly as possible. Luckily Kotomi was worn out from the excitement of the day and fairly docile—asleep the second she was dressed in a dry diaper and warm jammies. 

Exhausted, but still too wound up to consider bed, Shiro pulled a beer out of his fridge and sat down at his kitchen island, downing half of it in one go. 

His phone sat in front of him—tauntingly. Briefly, he considered calling Keith. 

Keith was his best friend, and besides the fact that he was almost always available and willing to hang out if Shiro asked, he would also be a good person to bounce his feelings off of. 

Of course, therein lied the problem. Keith knew him too well and wasn’t afraid to pry, to force out the emotions and thoughts that Shiro tried so hard to keep suppressed.

Instead he pulled up his messages and fired one off. 

**Shiro:** _Doing anything tonight?_

The response was almost immediate.

 **James:** _Nope._

 **James:** _Unless you consider bingeing Grey’s Anatomy doing something, in which case, you’re just as lame as I am._

Shiro smiled, amused. James was almost on par with Keith for lack of a social life. 

**Shiro:** _You want to come over?_

 **James:** _Give me 20 min._

+

For his part, Shiro did _try_ to like Jacob.

Well, if not like, at the very least tolerate and be more involved with.

Which is why he had made sure to throw Kotomi’s first birthday on a day that Lance said Jacob would be free. 

Luckily, there were so many people in his apartment that he barely had to interact with him. 

Shiro had insisted on a party, even though he knew his daughter wouldn’t remember it. He wanted to have photos that she could look back on one day. Luckily, the second he’d expressed the idea, Hunk and Shay had immediately taken the reins. They were pros at throwing parties, Hunk handling all the food and Shay managing decorations and invites. 

Shiro had felt kind of useless all morning while they’d been in his place, setting everything up, but they both insisted it was for the best that way. 

Instead Shiro had kept Kotomi entertained, then made sure she had a nap beforehand to avoid any meltdowns and got her changed into her cute little birthday dress.

Which was currently covered in purple frosting, along with her face and hands. Luckily, she was strapped into her highchair, because she’d started walking the month before and Shiro could just imagine the frosting smeared along the couch and rugs. 

“Oh goodness, please tell me someone is taking pictures of this, it’s absolutely precious!” Allura was crouched in front of the chair, pushing the small cake closer so that Kotomi could really get her hands into it. “Are all children’s parties this messy?”

“Yes,” at least five of them chimed.

“It’s called a smash cake!” Hunk explained, always excited to talk about food. “Basically just a smaller version of a cake so that Kitty can play with it and not the actual cake that we’re all going to eat.” 

Allura looked over to the large cake he had stashed away where hopefully Kotomi wouldn’t notice it. 

“Oh that’s so interesting! So we get cake too?”

Shiro listened as Hunk continued to explain the tradition of children’s birthday parties, Coran chiming in with Altean customs.

Colleen and Sam were in charge of photos and videography of the event – Shiro knew for a fact that Sam’s phone photo gallery was filled with thousands of pictures of Kotomi. 

The other guests milled around, holding drinks and laughing with each other. Shiro could see Keith chatting with Lance and Jacob, and he unhappily considered walking over to join them – playing the part – when he felt a hand at his elbow. 

He turned to find James.

“Hey,” he smiled sweetly.

“Hey yourself,” Shiro returned. 

They weren’t dating _per se,_ and absolutely no one knew that they had any involvement outside of work, but Shiro was aware that James was the closest thing he’d had to a boyfriend in a long time.

“Great party. Super Dad strikes again.”

Shiro laughed, waving it off. “I think you mean Super Couple. Hunk and Shay steamrolled me on this one.”

“Well, I won’t tell Kitty if you don’t,” James offered, eyes shining. “Need help cleaning up after?”

“I hope that’s a euphemism,” Shiro murmured, enjoying the way James blushed.

Shiro had been right, he was shy and timid in bed. It was enjoyable coaxing out the blush that was currently staining his cheeks.

 _”Obviously,”_ he huffed back, voice colored with a mix of embarrassment and excitement. 

A shout from the Atlas crew had them returning to the bunch, the delicious tension of their secret heavy between them. 

After a bath from Uncle Matt, Kotomi was down for the count, the excitement of the day having caught up. Before the party could get any more out of hand, at least in his apartment, Shiro encouraged everyone to head to the brewery downstairs.

“We’ll take Kotomi for the night,” Colleen told him, already packing up the baby’s bag.

“Oh no, you don’t have to. I wasn’t even gonna go out with them. I don’t want to leave Kitty after her birthday party.”

“Nonsense, Shiro. She’ll be asleep all night. Besides, everyone knows a one-year old’s party is just a party for the parents. You get to celebrate being a father for an entire year!” Sam wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist, both of them the picture of competent parenting. 

It was true, Shiro didn’t often have nights out. And James had mentioned staying over…

“If you’re sure…” 

“Absolutely sure, have fun with your friends tonight.”

Matt had already scooped Kotomi out of her crib, handing her off to his parents. She was dead weight, not even registering the movement. 

“Come on Shiro, get drunk with us.” Matt slapped him on the back, his not inconsiderable strength rocking Shiro on his feet. 

“Okay, fine! You’ve all worn me down,” he pushed Matt away, laughing.

Eventually almost everyone had left, all set to continue the party at the bar. Shiro laid a kiss to Kotomi’s soft hair before Colleen and Sam departed. 

Shiro looked around at the people remaining and waved them on.

“Lemme just clean up a little bit here, I’m not trying to wake up to a hangover _and_ a trashed apartment.”

“That’s the Shiro I know,” Lance laughed, putting on his jacket. Jacob, Shiro noted, remained quiet at his side – bland expression showing neither annoyance nor excitement at the nights prospects. 

“I’ll stay and help,” James offered, natural as hell. No one would ever suspect an ulterior motive with James Griffin.

Finally they got everyone out, and James turned to look at Shiro, excitement in his eyes. 

“Gosh, this place is a mess, it might take us a while to clean it all up,” faux concern lacing his voice. In all honesty, the apartment wasn’t that bad, Shay having helped clean up along the way. 

“We’ve probably got a solid twenty minutes, at least,” Shiro agreed, stalking towards the smaller man, pulling him into a kiss. 

James laughed against his mouth, his skin flush with alcohol and arousal. Shiro ran his hands along James back, squeezing his ass, before continuing down to grasp his thighs and lift him up. James legs immediately wound around his waist, hands pulling at Shiro’s hair to better direct the kiss. 

It was getting heavy quickly, James already making those soft, excited noises that drove Shiro crazy, when the front door opened with a slam.

“Forgot my scarf! _Oh!_ Oh my god—“

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

James tensed, pulling away from Shiro’s mouth and unwinding his legs to drop to the floor. This gave Shiro a fully, unobstructed view of Lance standing frozen in the doorway.

Shiro felt frozen too, like a deer in the headlights. He felt like a teenager who had been caught with a boy in his room. 

But why? What was the big deal? It was just _Lance._ Shiro’s best friend!

He was married, for fuck’s sake. 

Shiro knew Lance well, knew his facial expression intimately, and right then for some reason, Shiro could see hurt in his eyes.

“Lance,” was the most intelligent thing Shiro could come up with but at least it snapped the other man out of his trance.

“Shit, sorry! I didn’t knock, I should have knocked.” 

Lance never knocked. He even had a spare key for emergencies. They continued to stare at each other awkwardly.

Shiro remembered himself suddenly, and looked down to find James eyes closed, his previous faint blush a full flush of embarrassment. He hadn’t turned around to face Lance, but he didn’t need to. 

“We’ll uh, meet you downstairs in a bit,” Shiro offered, still not sure what to do. 

“Right! Cool! See ya!” And then Lance was a blur, closing the door behind him with a slam. He hadn’t even attempted to grab his scarf which was still hanging on the rack by the door.

James pressed his face into Shiro’s chest, but he could still hear the muffled – “Oh my god~.” 

Shiro wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment.

Oh my god. 

Why Lance?

Out of anyone that could have walked in on them, it had to be Lance. Shiro would have even preferred Keith!

“I’m so sorry,” James was pushing at Shiro, trying to put space between them. “I didn’t mean—“

“What? Hey,” Shiro reached out, grabbing him before he could get too far. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah but I know you don’t want anyone to find out and now…“ 

Shiro could hear the hurt in James voice, _fuck._

Somehow, he had managed to hurt both Lance and James, all in one go. God, this was why he didn’t date, he was so fucking terrible at it.

“It’s not like that,” Shiro began, even though it was kind of like that. “You’re my subordinate-“

James waved him off, running a hand through his hair, and still pulling away. 

“No, I know,” James assured him, and Shiro could hear the lie in his voice. He wondered if James could tell that he wasn’t being completely honest as well.

Probably.

Jesus, he was such an asshole. 

“I’m gonna go,” James told him and for a second Shiro considered arguing but it wasn’t like anything was going to happen between them after this, and he knew James didn’t really enjoy the bar scene. 

“Text me when you get home safe,” Shiro told him, feeling even worse that James seemed completely unsurprised Shiro hadn’t asked him to stay. 

“I will.” Ever the better man, James lifted onto his toes to kiss him, soft and chaste. “Have fun tonight.”

There was very little chance Shiro was going to have fun that night, but he still nodded as he walked James to the door. Once it was closed, he pressed his forehead against the wood, mortified at himself. His actions but also his feelings. 

What was he doing with his life? 

He shouldn’t have even been messing around with James, he should have been focusing on his daughter and his career. That’s it. 

What was this thing inside of him that caused him to continuously make the wrong choices and screw things up? He was thirty-four! When was he going to grow out of this?

Shiro couldn’t help thinking that if he’d had a normal life, hadn’t gone to Kerberos when he was twenty-four and still learning how to be an adult, that none of this would be happening. 

Kerberos had brought him Voltron though, which in turn had brought him Kotomi. 

So it wasn’t like he would have changed things. But still. 

Shiro’s phone pinged and he pulled it out of his pocket to see a text.

 **Keith:** _hurry up_

Succinct. 

Shiro considered telling him to fuck off and just going to bed. Or better yet, having a beer alone instead of with a huge group of people he needed to look cheerful around. 

Like Lance and _Jacob._

 **Keith:** _don’t make me come up there and get you_

Shiro sighed, slipped on his shoes, and headed downstairs. 

When he arrived, he wasn’t surprised to see the party was significantly more intoxicated than when they’d left, even in that short amount of time. They all cheered as he walked through the door. What he was surprised about was that Lance and his husband were nowhere to be found. 

Shiro spotted Keith sitting along the wall, two beers next to him, one of which was untouched and obviously for Shiro.

“Thanks, sorry,” Shiro sat down on a stool next to him. “Got caught up.”

Keith nodded, taking a sip from his glass.

“Hey, where is Lance?” Shiro was trying for nonchalant. Judging by the odd expression on Keith’s face, he’d fallen short. 

“He took off. Said Jacob had some work thing come up. Why? Something happen?” He raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

When did Keith get so observant? It was really starting to irritate him. 

“No,” he denied automatically, taking a drink, and Keith shoved hard at his shoulder, causing Shiro to choke. 

Once the coughing had died down, he shot Keith a dark look. 

“Okay fine, something happened. You happy?”

Keith actually looked concerned, and that was even more worrying to Shiro. 

“What’s going on?” 

Shiro sighed and looked around, ensuring that there was no one near them that would be able to overhear. Once he was certain, he leaned over to whisper to Keith.

“Lance…walked in on me and James. Nothing bad! Just making out, but—“

Keith held up a hand. “Wait, wait, wait. You hooked up with James?”

Shiro balked. “Well yeah, we kind of have been for a while. It wasn’t like I was trying to keep it a _secret,_ but—“

Keith interrupted again. “Is it serious?”

Indecision was at the tip of his tongue, his feelings for James not really that clear to him anymore, but something in Keith’s tone caused him to look up and really examine his friend.

Keith was upset – and not over Shiro’s secrecy.

“Oh my god, you like James,” he breathed it so quietly, he was surprised Keith even heard.

The blush that spread across his face was the only reason Shiro knew he had.

“Keith, I had no idea…” 

Keith looked away, quickly, trying to prevent Shiro from seeing the hurt on his face. 

In one night, in one act, Shiro had hurt three of the people closest to him. What the fuck was his problem? How had he done this?

“You never asked,” Keith huffed, downing half his beer in one go. “And I never told you, so I guess this one’s on me too.”

Shiro stared at him, helpless to come up with something to say, when Keith turned to him.

“So you didn’t answer me. Is it serious?”

Shiro was wide-eyed. Was it?

“I… No—It’s not—“

“So what, you’re just using him to get over Lance?”

Shiro reared back as if he’d been slapped.

 _”What?”_

What did Keith— How could he think— How did he _know?_ How did Keith know what Shiro barely admitted to himself?

“That’s what this is, isn’t it? Lance got married before you ever manned up and confessed and you jumped on the closest person that liked you. Do you even care that he has feelings for you?”

For a second, Shiro wasn’t sure if Keith meant Lance or James, and he flushed with guilt.

Keith finished the rest of his beer and stood up. 

“I’m gonna go,” he said, pulling on his jacket, echoing James exact words from earlier.

Shiro felt like he couldn’t breathe, unnamed emotions sitting heavily in his chest, crushing him. Keith looked at him finally, his expression shuttered.

“Maybe try being honest with people for once in your life.”

He was gone before Shiro could even register his words.

Shiro sat, momentarily stunned, before he realized he could feel hot tears burning at his eyes. He stood up quickly and without saying goodbye to anyone, left through the back door. 

Back in his apartment he looked around, taking in the little bit of mess that remained from Kotomi’s party. Not very long ago he had been surrounded by all of the people in the world that he loved. Friendships that he had built and nurtured over years, carefully and with affection.

What did Keith even mean with that parting shot? Shiro _was_ honest. At least with everyone around him. 

The only person he lied to was himself…

He was in love with Lance. 

Had been for years. And he’d buried it under the comfort and safety of friendship. 

And it had bitten him on the ass. 

How could he have known Lance would elope? He wasn’t supposed to run off and make these crazy decisions without first discussing them with Shiro!

But for better or worse, Lance was married. So what was honesty going to do for him? What did Keith think would happen, Shiro would confess and Lance would go _oh perfect, lemme just file this divorce real quick!_ He could even use his husband to do it!

Shiro laughed hysterically and was harshly reminded that he was standing in the middle of his living room, crying.

Feeling utterly ridiculous, he walked into Kotomi’s nursery and looked in the crib. It was full of stuffed animals, shoved in the corners, and it smelled like her.

He missed her.

He had a wild thought to drive over to Colleen and Sam’s place and get her but knew he’d been drinking too much.

And also, he was a complete disaster. His daughter certainly didn’t need to be around him just then.

Sitting down on the floor, he leaned back against the crib. Feeling his phone being crushed underneath him, he pulled it out to find a series of text messages inquiring over his whereabouts, but nothing from the three people he was worrying over.

Keith wanted him to start being honest with people.

How could Shiro be honest with Lance?

How do you tell your married best friend that you’re in love with them?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit the response from this story was so wonderful, I seriously never expected anyone to like this self-indulgent bs, I almost tossed it out so many times. 
> 
> I got a little nervous with people expectations of the second half (this is why i never do chaptered stuff!) so I hope you guys still enjoy our boy’s existential journey.

Shiro didn’t see Lance at work for the rest of the week. He was there, he knew, because the Voltron crew was running flight drills and Shiro could see the red lion flipping through the sky out of the corner of his office window. But he was avoiding Shiro, that was for sure. 

Keith wasn’t actively avoiding Shiro, but he had very little to say to him unless it was in regard their jobs. 

The only person he did see and speak to regularly was James, and that was awful. James was obviously trying hard to maintain their usual level of camaraderie, but it was stilted and forced. He could tell the rest of the team was picking up on it, he just hoped they didn’t know why. 

After one particularly tense training exercise, Shiro dismissed the team, asking James to stay behind. 

Keith had said to be honest with people, and Shiro was going to try to take his advice.

“What’s up?” James asked with forced casualness, running his hands through his hair to straighten it – his go-to anxious move. 

“James, I’m sorry,” he began simply.

“Oh, no—it was my fault. I practically jumped you with your friends on the other side of the door.” He looked away, not meeting Shiro’s eyes. 

Shiro persisted. “No, I’m sorry for everything. James, I took advantage of your feelings and that was wrong of me.”

James looked up, blue eyes wide and face pink.

“You’re such an amazing, lovable person and you deserve someone who treats you well. You deserve someone better than me, James. I’m a mess.”

“No-“ James interjected but Shiro continued. 

“Yeah, I am. And I’d like to say I wish I hadn’t gotten you caught up in it, but that would be a lie because I really enjoyed the time we spent together. I just can’t continue on like this, hurting you.” _And Keith,_ he thought but definitely did not say.

James looked at the floor, hand once more in his hair. 

“They were good times, huh?” He asked, voice low.

Shiro huffed a laugh. “Yeah they were.”

James finally looked up. “It’s for the best. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to end this for a while, but I was too caught up in it to have a clear head.”

Now it was Shiro’s turn to look surprised, and at his expression James rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t delude myself into thinking this was going to last.” He laughed self-deprecatingly and Shiro felt a sharp pang at the sound.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said again, hating how useless it felt.

“Me too,” James agreed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We’re not very well suited, to be honest.”

It was true. Shiro liked to surround himself with chaos and noise, drown out the silence that drove him nuts. He liked loud bars and louder people.

James was a homebody, and more often than not spent the evening curled up on the couch reading or watching a show. He liked yoga and coffee shops. He was calm, and thoughtful and he deserved someone equally so. 

Just like someone else Shiro knew.

“Better as friends, I think,” Shiro volunteered, hopeful.

James nodded. “Yeah, for sure… I’m probably gonna be weird around you for a little while longer though.”

Shiro made a face. “But you’ve always been weird?”

James moved lightning fast to shove him and Shiro only barely got out of the way.

“Where were those reflexes on the training deck, Griffin?” He joked, jumping again.

+

One down, two to go.

Or, probably more, if Shiro thought about it. There were probably a lot of people he would do well to start being more honest with. 

Like his therapist.

With that thought in mind, Shiro pulled out his phone and placed a call to the psychiatric department.

A polite voice picked up the phone, enquiring after his identity and reason for calling. 

“Yeah, hi, this is Takashi Shirogane, date of birth is February 29th, 2138. I’m actually calling because I was hoping you could help me find a different therapist?”

+

“A night of drinking and violent video games, what kind of example are you setting for your impressionable daughter?” Pidge mocked, sitting down next to him on the couch. 

Said impressionable daughter was currently trapped in a playpen, surrounded by loud, attention grabbing toys. 

He’d been concerned when he’d first seen the playpen, a gift from Pidge’s parents. It looked an awful lot like a pen for dogs. He’d shoved into the back of Kotomi’s closet, sure he’d never use it.

Then she’d started walking.

And then she’d started breaking stuff.

She was safer in the playpen, all things considered.

“A cool one,” Shiro told her, running through the start-up screens. “Besides, I don’t think low-sugar fruit juice counts as drinking.”

“It’s going in our mouth and we’re swallowing it,” her voice with lilting.

Shiro made a face. “Why do you say the things you say?”

“Asexual fringe benefit. I get to say dirty things and watch all of you get uncomfortable,” she quipped, laughing. “Side note–it does not work on Lance, he just says dirtier stuff.”

Shiro snorted in amusement. 

Lance had stopped avoiding him, but they had yet to talk about what happened, or about the reasons they were both so upset by it. 

“Pidge,” Shiro spoke, eyes still fixed on the television. At the sound of her questioning hum, he continued. “I’m in love with Lance.”

Pidge paused the game, turning to face him. Instead of the shock he was expecting, he found sympathy. 

“Oh, Shiro...I know.”

Shiro nodded, unsurprised despite himself. Pidge was a genius, observant as all hell. Plus, she knew Shiro better than most people. 

After a beat of silence, Shiro clicked the game back on and they resumed playing.

“Are you going to tell him?” She asked, after a few minutes.

“To what? Try and break up his happy marriage?” Shiro tried not to let his irritation bleed into his voice.

Pidge snorted, a disbelieving noise. “I don’t know many happy marriages that start with an ultimatum, but I guess that isn’t my area of expertise.”

Shiro paused the game again, turning to face her fully. 

“What?” He needed clarification, asap.

Pidge looked surprised. “You don’t know?” At his blank look she went on. “Lance told Jacob to commit or he was out. They’d been fighting a lot, right before. I don’t know too much else though, I try to avoid talking to Lance about it ‘cause he gets all angsty. They still fight a lot…”

Shiro let that information wash over him, and a hundred ideas began spiraling in his head before he cut them off cold. 

It didn’t matter whether Lance was unhappily married or not, he was still married. 

Of course, Lance was his friend, and he would never sit idly by and let any of his friends be miserable – so why did he need to do that with Lance?

But interfering in his relationship...even if it wasn’t intended selfishly – that’s how it would look, right?

“Dude, I can tell your mind is going a mile a minute and I want to cut you off right now and tell you to just go _talk to Lance.”_

Shiro was just about to reply, to tell Pidge that Lance was avoiding _him,_ not the other way around, when Kotomi began to scream, loud and insistent.

Pidge jumped, startled more by the sounds of a baby than the horror game they were playing, while Shiro got up to go collect his daughter.

Standing in the middle of the playpen full of toys, she stopped screaming the second Shiro came over.

“Oh, were we not paying enough attention to you, hmm?” He reached in and pulled her out, checking to make sure her diaper was dry before heading into the kitchen to grab a snack. He settled back on the couch, Kotomi in his lap clutching a spill proof bowl of Cheerios, and picked up the controller again. 

“Fatherhood looks good on you, Shirogane,” Pidge turned back to the game. “Definitely worth the stitches in my vag.”

“Oh jesus christ, Pidge.”

+

It was a Saturday night and Shiro was on his back on the living room floor. He held Kotomi by the waist, lifting her up into the air, her thick hair hanging over her face like a curtain. She wasn’t very far off the ground, but she screamed every time, bubbling over with laughter. 

As soon as he brought her back down to sit on his chest she threw her hands back into the air, yelling.

“Up! Up!”

And like the sucker he was, he lifted her back up, flying her through the air.

“You’ve got innate talent, Kitty. You’re going to be the best pilot at the Garrison, just like Daddy.”

Not that he was going to _force_ it on her or anything, but you know, if she felt like it.

Kotomi squealed with laughter, trying her hardest to wiggle out of his hold. He was beginning to suspect she was a daredevil – too much time with Keith, probably.

At fifteen months, she was already wild. It seemed like every day she learned a new word, and a new way to destroy something. She was way ahead of the learning curve, on track to be a genius just like her mother.

Luckily Colleen, the mother of two rambunctious geniuses, had all the best advice on how to manage Kotomi’s mischief. Otherwise Shiro would have been losing his mind trying to keep up.

“What do you want for dinner tonight, baby?” Shiro bounced her up again, letting go of her and catching her midfall. The gasp this earned was hilarious and he did it a few more times as he listened to her babble nonsense. 

“Sounds delicious, let’s do that,” Shiro rolled them both smoothly to his feet and made towards the kitchen. Sitting her into the bouncer seat hanging from the ceiling, Shiro got to work on dinner. 

He was halfway through slicing raw chicken into small, toddler sized bits when there was a noise from the living room. Kotomi’s attention was immediately captured, and her bouncing squeals took on an excited note.

Rinsing off his hands, he picked her up and settled her on his hip. He headed into the living room and heard it again, a soft series of taps against the front door. 

“Knock, knock,” Kitty informed him confidently, and Shiro nodded. 

“Yeah, someone is at the door,” Shiro agreed. Which was weird in itself. Who came over without texting first?

His breath was almost pushed from his lungs when he found Lance standing on the other side.

Lance, who had barely spoken to him in five months. Lance, who seemed perfectly fine with abandoning their friendship of almost ten years.

“Lala!” Kotomi squealed, throwing her arms out and kicking, doing her level best to jump out of Shiro’s arms.

Lance still saw Kotomi all the time, meeting up with Pidge or Matt whenever they had her. Making it very clear that he was only avoiding Shiro. While it hurt, knowing that Lance so clearly didn’t want to be around him, he was happy knowing Kotomi and Lance still saw each other. Knowing Lance still loved his daughter.

“Kitten!” Lance answered, and his voice was low and rough. Shiro looked at him closely and could see that his eyes were swollen and red. 

“Are you okay?” Shiro asked before he could think.

Lance looked up, eyes wide before he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking away. 

“Not really,” he offered, finally reaching out to take the screaming toddler out of Shiro’s arms. 

Shiro handed her over and stepped back to give him room to come in. Once Lance had taken his shoes off, they all headed into the kitchen. Kotomi was babbling a mile a minute, stringing together real words with random sounds that _almost_ made sense. Lance was a natural though, responding and encouraging her the entire time, carrying on a mostly one-sided conversation flawlessly.

Shiro returned to the cutting board, falling into a routine he and Lance had developed what felt like ages ago, with Shiro cooking while Lance entertained the baby.

Once Kotomi had settled down somewhat and was no longer babbling quite so loud Shiro spoke.

“How have you been?” 

Lance laughed humorlessly. “Awful.” 

The sound burned at Shiro, a sharp pain in his stomach. He turned his full attention to Lance and found him winding his fingers through Kotomi’s hair, braiding it ineffectually. 

“Why?” Was all he asked.

Lance looked up to him, meeting his eyes. “I think I’m getting a divorce.”

Shiro froze, heart racing. “You think?”

Lance huffed. “No, I know,” he said, and then he was crying, pulling his fingers out of Kotomi’s hair to cover his face. 

Kotomi was immediately alarmed, scrambling out of Lance’s lap to run over to Shiro, hands held in the air to be picked up. He could tell she was about to start crying as well. 

Shiro hiked her up before turning off the burner, and strode over to Lance, crouching down in front of him. He tried to wave him off, but Shiro pulled at his hands until Lance was forced to look up at him. His blue eyes seemed even brighter, shimmering with tears. 

“What do you need?” Shiro asked, ready to do anything he could to make Lance stop crying – to take away the obvious pain in his eyes.

Lance sniffed, wiping at his face. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course,” he assured.

Shiro didn’t have a full guest room anymore, but the nursery had a twin daybed that would suffice. Or his couch was more than comfortable, Shiro fell asleep there all the time. 

Lance nodded, outburst momentarily diverted. 

Together they made dinner and sat down to eat. Once they were done, Lance took Kotomi off to the bath while Shiro cleaned up.

It was terribly domestic.

Once Kotomi was in clean pajamas, cruising in the playpen with her stuffed lion, he and Lance sat down on the couch with cups of tea.

The silence stretched on until Shiro could barely stand it. He was just about to speak up, to ask Lance what was going on, when the other man spoke into his cup.

“I’ve missed this.”

Shiro tried to ignore the pang those words wrought.

“I’ve missed you.” Lance continued, still not looking at him.

“I’ve missed you too,” Shiro was quick to assure. “I wasn’t sure…”

Lance sighed and finally looked at him. “I’ve been avoiding you.”

Well, there it was. Shiro knew it, intimately aware of the forced distance, but to hear Lance say it so plainly was painful.

“I’m sorry about what you walked in on,” he started to explain but Lance waved a hand.

“That’s not why. Well, maybe a little, but not for the reason you think.” Lance took a sip of his tea and looked away again. “Although, I was surprised. I mean…with how much Keith likes James, I woulda thought—“

“Wait, you knew?”

Lance looked startled by the interruption, and Shiro’s obvious surprise. “Well yeah. Don’t you see the way Keith stares at him? Heart eyes for days.”

Shiro leaned back against the sofa, a hand over his eyes. “I had no idea…”

Lance whistled, low and long. “I guess that explains why you two have been so weird around each other.”

“I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried talking to him,” Shiro was about to launch into the details of the situation when he remembered himself and shook his head, looking back to Lance. “That’s not important right now. Why have you been avoiding me?”

Shiro watched as Lance’s shoulders tensed up before he released a deep breath and they relaxed. When Lance turn to look at him fully, his expression was full of guilt.

“Jacob asked me to.”

Shiro blinked, eyebrows shooting up. “Why?”

“Because he doesn’t like you and he doesn’t like my relationship with you. He’s never understood it and it makes him jealous and paranoid and to be completely honest, he should be.” Once more Lance’s eyes brimmed with tears. 

“What—what are you saying?” Shiro had to ask, he couldn’t take any chances. He couldn’t assume he knew what Lance was getting at – or if he was just projecting his own feelings.

Lance stood up suddenly, his tea cup rattling as he set it on the glass table, and he began to pace.

“That I’m an idiot and consistently make stupid choices that hurt everyone around me and myself.” 

Shiro didn’t pretend to hide his shock at those words. It was like Lance was echoing back the thoughts he himself had been carrying for the past five months.

“Lance, you’re not—“ 

“Yeah, I am Shiro, you don’t even know. I got married, _knowing_ it was the wrong decision. I forced Jacob into committing and then I tortured him with my obvious feelings for another person. I acted like everything was okay and pushed my feelings down, thinking that if I just buried them deep enough they’d go away, but they didn’t. And walking in on you and James kissing was the final fucking straw. I finally realized how stupid I’d been, that I couldn’t just—just _pretend_ like I wasn’t in love with you, and—“

“What?” Shiro interjected, stunned at Lance’s words.

Lance finally stopped pacing and turned to face Shiro head on. 

“I love you Shiro. And my husband knows it. He’s suspected for a long time but that night, after Kitty’s party, he knew for sure.”

Lance finally collapsed back into the padded armchair next to the couch. “He asked me to stop seeing you after that night and I tried, I really did because I _love_ Jacob, I do… Just—not the way he deserves.”

Shiro was reeling, his thoughts a blur. He would have let the silence continue indefinitely if Lance didn’t look at him, face pinched with anxiety.

“Are you gonna say anything?” His hands clutched at the front of his jacket, sliding the zipper up and down nervously. 

Shiro fought for something to say, apologies at the tip of his tongue. _Sorry I didn’t see how much you were struggling. Sorry it took you getting married for me to realize my feelings. Sorry I wasn’t a better friend._

Unfortunately, all that came out was, “I’m sorry.”

Lance blanched, looking away. “It’s fine, I didn’t expect—“

 _Fuck. Nice one, Shirogane._

Scrambling to correct himself, Shiro jumping into action, reaching out to grab Lance’s hand as the other man started to stand.

“No wait, that’s not what I meant,” Shiro tugged lightly, pulling Lance back down into his chair. He scooted to the edge of the sofa, putting himself as close to Lance as he could be without kneeling on the floor in front of him. “I’m not sorry, well I mean, _I am sorry,_ but not for that. I’m sorry that I caused any of this, and I’m sorry for not talking about this earlier! Fuck, Lance…we should have talked about this forever ago.”

Lance huffed. “What was I supposed to say, _hey Shiro, I know you constantly go on about not wanting to be in a relationship—“_

Shiro winced.

 _“—but I’m in love with you so you should definitely ignore all that and be with me!_ That would have gone down real well.”

“Maybe if you had it would have knocked some sense into me…” Shiro returned, somewhat unfairly. It wasn’t like it was Lance’s job to sort through Shiro’s ridiculously immature emotions. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He could tell Lance meant it to sound biting, but instead it came off curious. 

Shiro sighed before strengthening his resolve and moving to kneel on the floor, right in front of Lance, grasping both of his hands tightly.

“If either of us is an idiot, it’s me. At least you were aware of your feelings. It took you marrying someone else for me to realize how much I love you and want you in my life.”

Lance’s eyes were wide, his hands squeezing Shiro’s like a lifeline.

“So that’s why I’m sorry. I’m _so sorry, Lance._ I wish I had figured it out in time to save you all of this grief.”

“What about you?” Lance asked, voice oddly hushed. “What about your grief?”

Shiro laughed humorlessly. “I definitely warrant it.”

Lance tugged at their hands sharply, startling Shiro. “No you don’t, Shiro. Why do you always act like you don’t deserve to be happy?”

“I don’t—“ Shiro began.

“You do,” Lance cut him off. “You’re always telling yourself things are good enough, that you shouldn’t ask for more, shouldn’t expect more! But you deserve everything Shiro, you deserve to have every happiness.”

“How do you know?” Shiro asked, breathless at the depth of Lance’s feelings.

Lance released his hands only to grasp his face, cupping it between his palms.

“Because you’re a good person…my favorite person.”

Shiro blinked slowly, caught in Lance’s unwavering gaze. “I’m so in love with you, Lance.” 

Lance pulled softly at his Shiro’s face as he leaned down to close the gap. 

Their mouths met in the middle, skipping soft and gentle and jumping right into hungry and passionate. Shiro slid closer to the chair, reaching out to grasp Lance’s hips and pull him to the edge of the seat. He moaned and licked deeper into Shiro’s mouth, pulling away to bite softly at his bottom lip before diving back in. 

Shiro was slipping his hands underneath Lance’s shirt, reveling in the feel of soft skin against his rough palms, when a sharp, musical tone startled them apart. 

For a moment they stared at each other, eyes wide and mouths wet, until the ringtone cut through the shallow sleep Kotomi had fallen into. At the sound of her cry, they both jumped up, Lance reaching for his phone as Shiro moved to scoop up his daughter. 

He tried not to listen as Lance answered what was surely his husband's call, and walked down the hall, soothing Kotomi as he went. Once he’d gotten her calmed down, he settled her into the crib, turning on the ocean night light and standing over her until her eyes finally closed. After he’d wasted as much time as possible hiding away, he finally returned to the living room.

Lance had clearly raided the linen closet, and was currently throwing a blanket over the couch, a pillow down at one end.

“Thanks for letting me stay over,” Lance offered somewhat shyly. 

“Of course,” Shiro returned. “Do you need anything?”

Lance shook his head. “No, I think I’m good.”

Shiro hesitated, torn between asking about the call, pulling Lance back into their previous embrace, or hightailing it out of there to hide in his bedroom. 

Lance took the decision out of his hands. “Well, goodnight Shiro.”

Shiro watched him sit down on the couch, unusually hesitant. 

“Goodnight, Lance.”

Once back in his room, Shiro went through his nighttime routine, trying hard not to think about Lance lying a few dozen feet away. He stripped down to his underwear and climbed under the down comforter, forcing himself to relax. 

He ran through the breathing exercises his new therapist had taught him until he finally fell asleep.

+

It seemed like only minutes later something was brushing at his face, pulling him out of sleep. Confused, Shiro rolled over to find Lance sitting on the edge of the bed. The moonlight streamed through the windows enough to highlight his bright eyes and worried expression. 

“Can I sleep in here?” His voice was softer than Shiro had ever heard it. 

Without hesitation, Shiro was moving back, pulling down the covers to give Lance room. 

Lance was still in his tee shirt, but his pants were gone, aqua-marine boxer briefs tight against his body. Shiro looked away quickly, rolling to ensure space between them. Behind them, Shiro could hear the slight crackle of the baby monitor – the ocean sounds having long turned off, Kotomi’s soft breathing was the only noise. 

Lance settled and turned to face him, hand underneath his cheek. 

“Everything okay?” Shiro asked quietly. 

Lance shook his head, the pillow rustling beneath him. “I couldn’t sleep…”

His brain still foggy with sleep, Shiro didn’t have the wherewithal to stop himself from asking. “Why didn’t you tell me you were getting married?”

It was quiet after his question. Shiro was beginning to think Lance had fallen asleep when he finally replied.

“Because I knew it was a bad idea, and I knew you were the only person who would call me out on it…and I was scared of being alone.”

Shiro nodded, though he knew Lance couldn’t see it. 

“How long were you and James…?” 

“Not long… We ended things after the party.”

Lance tsked. “I didn’t mean to—“

Shiro sighed. “No, it wasn’t just because of that. It wasn’t serious. James was just available…and safe.”

Shiro rolled onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“And I know that makes me sound like the biggest asshole but it’s true. I only came on to him because…” 

Lance made a questioning noise.

“The day you texted me that you’d gotten married…I kind of freaked out. And instead of dealing with it I just took advantage of my lead pilot’s unfortunate crush.”

Lance reached out, grabbing Shiro’s arm to pull it away, threading their fingers together. 

“I figured when you didn’t text me back that you were upset.”

“Only at myself.” 

Still holding his hand, Lance rolled easily, pressing his back against Shiro’s body. Without thought, Shiro rolled as well, spooning up behind him, his right arm pulling at Lance’s chest to press them more fully together.

Giving into a year’s long desire, he pressed his face into Lance’s hair, breathing deeply. 

“We’re so fucking stupid.”

Shiro shook lightly with laughter, nodding his head at Lance’s words. 

“I don’t want to do anything to hurt Jacob further,” he continued. 

Shiro tensed slightly, and Lance pulled more firmly at his hand, forcing him to relax. 

“Don’t even try it Shirogane, I’ve been dying for you to cuddle me for ten fucking years.”

Shiro couldn’t keep the smile from his voice when he asked. “Ten years?”

“Longer if you count when I was a cadet.”

“A cadet?” Shiro squeezed him tightly, earning a squeal and the feeling of Lance’s body grinding against him playfully. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t act surprised. Everyone at the Garrison wanted you.”

Shiro hummed teasingly. “They still do.”

“Oh my God, I’m gonna write to Time magazine or whoever-the-fuck and tell them how full of yourself you actually are,” Lance cried, squirming away half-heartedly. 

“They’ll never believe you,” Shiro assured him, settling against Lance’s back, trying to ignore the tightness in his underwear. 

The gentle press-and-sway of Lance’s hips against his told him that he felt it, but neither moved to take it further. 

Lance relaxed against him, head pillowed on Shiro’s bicep.

“The shit show starts tomorrow, so for tonight, I’m just gonna enjoy this…”

Shiro sighed in agreement, burying his face back into Lance’s hair. 

+

Lance had been right. It _was_ a shit show.

An unfortunate aspect of their lives was that as the ‘Saviors of Earth’ everyone knew them. The media, which up until that point had always touted Lance as their darling, was vicious in the reporting of his divorce. 

Shiro learned that Jacob had signed a prenup before their wedding, and the tabloids threw it back at Lance, accusing him of emotional manipulation and worse. 

“Do they not even realize that Jacob has money too? He insisted on the prenup! He’s a lawyer for fuck’s sake!”

“Don’t listen to it dude, they’ll give up when they realize they can’t get a rise out of you,” Hunk assured him.

“They _are_ getting a rise out of me,” Lance huffed, arms crossed.

“Well don’t go all celebrity scandal and punch out a reporter,” Pidge offered helpfully. 

Shiro stayed quiet, trying to be as uninvolved in Lance’s divorce as possible. No one knew about their relationship – not that there was one. They hadn’t done anything beyond that first kiss, and although Lance had crashed at his place more than a few times, he’d slept on the daybed in Kotomi’s room every time. 

They’d both agreed that anyone finding out now would just be fuel for the fire, and potentially bring Shiro’s daughter into the negative spotlight. 

Despite the craziness from the media, Lance’s divorce was actually rolling along quickly and without problem. Jacob hadn’t tried to contest it and with the prenup, everything was very easy to divide up. 

“How’s the potty training going?” Hunk asked. It was directed at Shiro, but it was an obvious attempt to distract Lance. 

“Depends on your definition of _going,_ which is to say, it’s not.” He sighed, sticking a chip in his mouth mournfully.

“Oh whatever, she goes in the potty when I’m there!” 

Shiro turned baleful eyes at Lance. “Yeah, because she wants to impress you! That girl stared me dead in the eye while she pissed her pants the other day. I swear she lives to see me clean up after her.”

Pidge and Hunk giggled, but Lance merely rolled his eyes. 

“You’re just not giving her the right incentive!”

“How is not standing around in wet panties not _enough_ incentive?”

“Oh Shiro,” Lance placed a hand on his arm. “You still have so much to learn about toddlers.”

Shiro rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the warm weight of Lance’s hand, the feeling of his soft skin.

“Shiro could stand to learn about more than just toddlers,” a voice behind him spoke.

Shiro jumped slightly, pulling his arm away from Lance as he turned to face the source of the voice.

Keith wasn’t looking at him as he sat down at the table with James taking a seat as well, right next to him. 

Things were still tense between them – after eight months. 

He looked away to find Lance watching him, looking at Keith and back to Shiro pointedly. 

Shiro ignored it and tried to laugh off Keith’s comment. 

“Maybe I should go back to school,” he joked half-heartedly.

“Yeah, grade school,” Keith shot back, and he felt the tension at the table rise suddenly. 

James elbowed Keith, and they exchanged a look that Shiro couldn’t decipher, and as quickly as it had come the tension passed.

He pretended not to notice as Hunk and Pidge turned wide eyes to each other. 

Everyone knew he and Keith were on the outs, but thankfully no one had yet to say anything. 

Not to Shiro, at least. 

“Well, I need to get back to it,” Shiro offered, desperate to be anywhere else. “Tons of requisitions to file.”

He beat a hasty retreat before anyone could stop him and ignored the hissed whispering behind him.

It was fine. Things were fine. 

He and Keith…they’d be okay. 

+

“I don’t know why you won’t talk to him.” Pidge cut to the chase, her attention seemingly directed at the screen in front of her. From where Shiro was perched on the counter, he could see code reflected in her glasses.

“The fact that I don’t even know who you’re talking about says a lot about the state of my life,” Shiro laughed humorlessly. 

“You know I meant Keith.”

He did. 

Things with Lance weren’t perfect, but Shiro was starting to think they might be one day. 

“Well what am I supposed to say? Sorry I slept with the guy you’re in love with? Or maybe—sorry I’m too childish to own up to my mistakes, hope eight months isn’t too late?”

Shiro ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it uselessly. “Better yet, I can tell him how he was right, I am an idiot, and he’s better off without me in his life wrecking everything!”

“I almost agreed with all of that,” Pidge replied, finally turning away from the screen to look at him. “You _can_ apologize, not that I think you need to, it’s not like Keith told you about his feelings—“

“Just that everyone except me already knew,” Shiro cut in but Pidge waved him off.

“You didn’t know because Keith didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?” He asked, exasperated.

“I can speculate, but you should probably ask him. But beyond that, it doesn’t matter if it’s been eight months or eight years, clearly your falling out is affecting both of you—and everyone else around you.”

Shiro flinched. 

She was right, as usual. Tensions within the group had been high and Shiro was not unaware of where it stemmed from.

A small hand on his knee drew him out of his thoughts.

“I thought you were working on being more honest?”

Shiro sighed. “If I’m being honest, I regret telling you things sometimes.”

“That’s the spirit!”

He rolled his eyes, jumping off the counter, but not moving to leave. 

“Look Shiro, I wouldn’t be pushing you to do this if didn’t think you’d feel a billion times better afterward. But if you don’t want to talk to Keith, you don’t have to.”

Shiro stared up at the ceiling. 

“I know I’m being ridiculous. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I know _Keith knows_ I’m being ridiculous and I’m not sure I can handle his brand of blunt honesty.”

Pidge shrugged, turning back to her computer screen. 

“Sounds like what you need is blunt honesty.”

+

Shiro took a deep breath and knocked on the doorframe of Keith’s office, poking his head in to find the black paladin of Voltron, sitting at his desk surrounded by various forms and documents.

“Got a minute?”

Keith looked at him pensively, his messy braid falling over his shoulder. “Is it really only going to be a minute?”

Shiro’s polite face dropped. “No.”

“Shut the door,” Keith laid down his pen and started to straighten up the papers. He was quiet as Shiro took a seat across from him, finally looking up when Shiro made no move to begin.

“So what’s up?”

He was looking at Shiro so intently, dark amethyst eyes shuttered and hard to read. Shiro kind of missed the days when Keith was too young to guard his thoughts. The way he’d looked up to Shiro with unquestioning trust and faith.

Those days were long gone.

“I wanted to say that…I’m sorry. For everyth—“

“Me too.” 

Shiro heard his own teeth click as his jaw snapped closed.

“You are?” At Keith’s nod he had to ask. “But why?”

Keith sighed and put his elbows on the desk, leaning onto it as if weighed down by the fate of the world. He kind of was.

“Shiro, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I was a dick to make you feel like you did.”

“Keith—yes I did. Everything you said about my relationship with James was right. Lance too, for that matter. I hurt so many people because I was too busy selfishly trying to find my own happiness at the expense of all the people I love.”

Keith waved his hand, as if none of what Shiro had said mattered. 

“So what? Everyone does that sometimes. You can’t live your entire life for other people, Shiro. You did enough of that, you get to be selfish now and then.”

Shiro pressed a hand to his chest earnestly. “But I hurt you! _And_ Lance!”

“Dude, quit trying to take all the credit for everything,” Keith shook his head and Shiro reared back in disbelief. _What?_

“Look, I never told you I was into James—mostly because I knew you would needle me about it until I did something, which I wasn’t ready to do—“

Shiro opened his mouth to protest but a harsh look from Keith headed him off.

“And I don’t wanna sound like an asshole, but Lance has been in love with you _forever_ and he could have said something at any time. You have zero ability to process your own emotions, and I’m not saying that’s an excuse, but you were the only one too clueless to know you loved him back. Well—besides Lance. He’s clueless too.”

Keith rolled his eyes and Shiro rubbed at his chest, trying to will away the sudden painful aching. 

“How am I this stupid?” He whispered, but not so quietly that Keith couldn’t hear it.

“You’re not stupid, you’ve just never had a decent relationship in your life, man. You weren’t close to your parents—and is your dad even still alive? Not that I think you should talk to him or anything, I’m just wondering if you actually know.”

Shiro couldn’t even shrug, rocked by the realization that _he didn’t know._ He didn’t know if his father was dead or alive, hadn’t even bothered to try contacting him after the war. 

Keith’s expression took on a sympathetic visage. “You have us. Both teams, the Holts—you have me Shiro, you’re still the closest thing I have to family too.”

“Yeah,” his voice was rough, like he was about to cry. Shiro wasn’t even sure at that point, he could have been for all he knew. “All this time we haven’t been talking has been killing me.”

“I know, and _that’s_ why I’m sorry. I was being petty. Honestly, it hasn’t been great for me either. Kind of realized you were like the only person I ever saw outside of work, so…lots of nights at home.” 

He smiled but it was slightly self-deprecating. Something about it though made Keith’s words finally click.

“Were?”

Keith tugged at his loose braid and looked away. Shiro could only barely see the tinge of pink at the edges of his face. 

“Well, I haven’t been spending much time alone lately…”

Shiro perked up, excited at the prospect of moving away from the topic of his own emotional immaturity and also the idea that Keith was actually _seeing someone._

Not wanting to risk a guess, he could only ask elusively. “Is it…?” 

Keith turned back to him, blush still tingeing his cheeks. “Yeah, we both had to be at that conference in Spain and ever since…”

Shiro smiled for the first time since entering Keith’s office. 

“That’s awesome Keith. You and James are kind of perfect for each other.”

Keith looked intrigued at that. “You think?”

“I _constantly_ notice how similar you both are, it’s kind of eerie.”

Keith hummed, momentarily lost in thought, and Shiro finally had to ask.

“How did you get so smart?”

Keith scoffed, though he looked bemused. “I’ve always been smart, dick.”

“No, I’m serious,” Shiro cut him off. “You used to _run_ at the first whiff of a serious conversation, now here you are cutting into me and ripping into every exposed nerve—quite effectively I might add. What happened to the pissed off little kid who told Iverson to _kiss his ass.”_

Keith winced. “Heard about that did you?”

At Shiro’s knowing smile he straightened his back and looked at Shiro head on. 

“Well for one thing, I actually _try_ at my therapy sessions, unlike some people.” He threw a pointed look and Shiro rolled his eyes. He _was_ trying. _Now._

“But honestly, I’ve just watched you for a long time Shiro. The universe constantly expects you to be a hero, but I know that sometimes _you_ need a hero. I’ve saved your ass enough times.”

Shiro huffed, but it was for show. He knew how much he owed to Keith, how he wouldn’t be sitting here today if it wasn’t for the other man.

“You’re my brother, I love you.”

It was a sentiment they both shared, something they’d grown more and more comfortable expressing over the years. But it still spread warmth throughout Shiro’s chest, still made him want to reach across the desk and pull Keith into a tight hug. 

He must have looked like he was considering it, because Keith leaned back and held up his palm.

“Don’t.”

Shiro laughed. “I love you too, so I won’t.”

Keith relaxed, and looked comfortable, finally. 

“So what’s up with you and Lance?”

And there he was again with that annoyingly observant digging. 

“Nothing is up with me and Lance.”

“Oh bullshit,” Keith started, until his forehead scrunched in confusion. “Wait you’re serious. There is seriously nothing going on between you and Lance?”

Now it was Shiro’s turn to look away in embarrassment. 

“We kissed…once…three months ago.”

“What that fuck!” The volume of Keith’s voice was enough to have Shiro looking at the closed door nervously and Keith leaned forward. “You’re telling me you’re both in love with each other, you both _know_ you’re in love with each other—but nothing is going on.”

Running a hand through his hair, Shiro sighed. 

“You know it’s complicated Keith, he’s in the middle of an incredibly public divorce, people would talk and—“

“Fuck those people! Keep it quiet, it’s not like reporters are lining up outside your apartment. Who would know?”

“I just don’t want Kitty caught up in—“

“Oh my god, Shiro, seriously? After everything—you’re just gonna ignore everything and push it aside?”

Shiro made a face, slightly insulted by Keith’s lack of faith. 

“I’m just waiting for the right time—“

Keith slammed his hand on the desk. “There will never be a better time. Look—I’m not one to lecture on this, obviously it took me forever to pursue James, but I thought he hated me, so it was—you know what, that’s not important. My point is, you and Lance have wasted _years_ waiting for the right time. Don’t torture yourself with more of it. You could die tomorrow. Lance could walk out into the street and get hit by a bus.“

Shiro actually felt his heart stutter at the idea. 

“Stop being so fucking self-sacrificing and go be in love, jesus christ.”

He leaned back in his chair, seemingly exhausted.

Shiro, on the other hand, felt energized—Keith’s little pep talk was having the desired effects. He stood up, hands slightly shaking as he pushed his hair back.

“Okay.”

“He’s at the rifle range,” Keith offered, way ahead of him.

Shiro nodded and there was a moment where they both acknowledged everything that had transpired—their apologies and confessions, the mending of their friendship. 

“Dinner, Friday?” Shiro asked, still mildly worried that things weren’t actually okay, and Keith might say no.

“Sounds good,” Keith looked up at him. “I’ll bring James?”

Shiro nodded, pleased beyond words. 

It was a long walk to the training grounds, but Shiro found himself there before he could even process what he was about to do. 

The door to the rifle range slid open at his approach and Shiro was relieved to find Lance alone.

The Red Paladin looked up in surprise. He was sweating, his grey tee-shirt sticking to his chest from the exertion of holding his bayard aloft. At Shiro’s entrance he let it disengage, shifting from a heavy sniper rifle back to its natural state, hooking it to his belt. 

Silently, Shiro stepped towards him and watched as Lance’s eyebrows raised in bewilderment.

“What’s u-“ 

Whatever greeting Lance had to offer was cut off by the press of Shiro’s mouth against his own, the taller man grasping Lance’s face between his hands, sliding fingers into sweaty hair.

Shiro gave him no time for protest, not that he could sense any from him. He stepped forward and Lance moved back, their mouths never leaving each other for more than a second, only long enough for Shiro to suck Lance’s plush bottom lip into his mouth. 

A soft noise spilled from Lance’s throat as his back hit the wall, his hands coming up to clutch at Shiro’s uniform jacket. 

He lost track, licking into Lance’s mouth, mapping out the shape of his teeth and the ridges of his soft palate. It was so easy to just relax and let go kissing Lance. His usual questioning thoughts, his constant concerns, all of the back-ground noise. It was easily drowned out by the joy singing through his veins. 

When he finally noted the trembling of Lance’s body against his, he pulled back slightly, dropping a series of soft, chaste kisses before finally opening his eyes.

He watched as Lance’s eyes slowly opened, a ring of bright blue barely visible around blown pupils. A pink tongue darted out to swipe his bottom lip, no doubt experiencing the same almost-numb tingling that Shiro was as well.

“Stay at my house tonight,” he implored. Before his eyes, Lance brightened, burying his teeth in his lip as he nodded. 

“Okay.”

Shiro dipped in again, less frantic this time, as their lips met, folding against each other gently. 

“I love you,” he spoke against the soft skin of Lance’s mouth. He let his hands slide down, skimming over sweaty cotton until they could wrap around a trim waist, pulling Lance into a tight hug. 

Slender arms wound around his shoulders, and Lance sighed, his body relaxing into Shiro’s embrace.

“I love you, too.” 

+

There was something about watching Lance with Kotomi that made Shiro crazy. For a long time he’d told himself it was because his daughter so clearly loved him. She stared up at Lance with flushed cheeks and shining eyes, her arms held out with desire to be held. The way she called him _Lala,_ the way he called her Kitten. It was all just so devastatingly adorable.

Then he’d chalked it up to how great Lance was with her, how naturally he held her and cared for her. How he’d never hesitated to change her or give her a bath. The way he’d picked up on her pretend-play games so intuitively. He looked as natural at a tiny tea party as he did in the cockpit of the red lion. 

Now he was starting to realize it probably had something to do with the fact that if Shiro could choose anyone to co-parent with him, it would be Lance.

“Hey, did you move the bath toys?” Lance poked his head out of the bathroom door, interrupting Shiro’s increasingly more sentimental thoughts.

“Oh, they’re under the sink. She’s started trying to flush them down the toilet,” he replied, hurriedly gathering dish towels and tiny dresses to throw into the washing machine. 

“Don’t flush the rubber duck, got it,” Lance stuck his tongue out and disappeared again. Shiro could only assume that they were located by the happy squealing that followed.

By the time Shiro was finished cleaning up the house and getting Kotomi’s stuff ready for the next day, Lance had her dressed in leopard print footie pajamas and on the living room floor between his spread legs. Kotomi was miraculously sitting still as Lance ran a comb through her wet hair and gathered it into sections.

Shiro leaned against the door frame to watch. “You know, you are the _only_ person she’ll let mess with her hair. I tried to pull it up for the park the other day and she screamed so loud I was worried the neighbors were going to call the cops.”

Lance grinned, eyes still on his work. “That’s because she can trust me to make it look good. You gotta work on your braiding, Shirogane.”

“Maybe Keith will let me practice,” Shiro suggested, and tried not to smile so obviously at the snort of laughter that pulled out of Lance.

“Lean your head down, _mija,_ look at the floor.”

Shiro marveled at the way his daughter complied without complaint and Lance spoke again, this time looking at Shiro curiously. 

“So…you and Keith?”

“We talked today. Things are better—or they will be, at least.”

Lance nodded, wrapping a hair tie around the bottom of Kotomi’s French braid. He grabbed her by the waist to stand her up. 

“You’ve got fifteen minutes until bedtime Kitten, go wild!”

“Bouncin’!” Kotomi shouted, heading for Shiro’s room. He and Lance paused, listening for the sound of small feet jumping on his mattress before turning back to each other.

“You’re so good with her,” Shiro commented unnecessarily. They both knew how great Lance was with his daughter. But without her in the room, her bedtime looming over them all, there was nothing to deflect from the weird tension they’d been experiencing all night.

Kotomi was a buffer – something to distract them from what they both knew was coming. 

“I love her,” Lance replied simply.

“She loves you too,” Shiro returned with a smile.

The other man smirked, looking up from his position on the floor. 

“And her father?” 

“He may, also, have some strong feelings towards you.” 

Now Lance was smiling, and it was more than Shiro could ignore. Stepping closer, he reached down to take Lance’s hand, leveraging him off the floor.

Lance wasted no time once he was on his feet, his hands moving to the back of Shiro’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. 

Shiro had kissed a lot of people in his life, some good, some great, some who he genuinely cared for, even loved. But there was something about kissing Lance that was different. This riled him up just as any kiss ever had, but it didn’t make him want to push further. He wasn’t kissing Lance merely as a step to the main act. 

This was an event all on its own. 

If he were a more cliché man, Shiro would compare it to how it felt to return to Earth, coming home.

He wasn’t aware of how much time had passed as their mouths folded against each other softly, until Lance was pulling away, blue eyes sparkling with mirth. 

“It’s suspiciously quiet,” he murmured against Shiro’s mouth, hands clutching at Shiro’s shirt to hold him close. 

Shiro head was in something of a fog but it cleared quickly at the realization that it _was_ quiet. 

Still holding Lance’s hand, he led them both into the bedroom to find Kotomi sprawled across the bed, feet towards the pillows, out like a light.

As if he had done it every night, Lance smoothly picked her up, carrying her into the nursery with Shiro hot on his heels. 

He tucked her into bed, moving stuffed animals and blankets out of the way.

“Don’t forget the ocean light,” Shiro reminded him, as he pulled the curtains closed. 

“She still uses it?” Lance sounded slightly awed.

“She’ll be up in twenty minutes if it’s not on, she loves it.”

Lance made a soft noise in his throat, reaching over to turn the light on. He stood by the edge of the crib, watching the way the blue lights shimmered across Kotomi’s face. Shiro moved to stand next to him, watching Lance watch his daughter.

“I wish I had been around more,” Lance confessed softly.

“You were around more than anyone,” he reached out, taking Lance’s hand in his own. He admired the way their hands contrasted, Shiro’s pale skin to Lance’s dark. His petite hand and long, thin fingers entwined with Shiro’s blunt, thicker ones. “I’m starting to think Kitty believes Lala _also_ means daddy.”

Lance laughed, and their faces snapped to the crib as one, but the sleeping baby inside showed no sign that she’d heard them.

“She’s down for the count, this kid can sleep through anything,” Shiro told him.

Lance squeezed his hand. “Anything?”

That one small act was enough to have Shiro’s heart racing. 

“Did you have something in mind?”

Lance was already pulling him out of the room, turning until they were face to face and Lance was leading him backwards into the master room like this was _his_ apartment. 

He _had_ kind of picked it out. 

Lance’s hands at his face pulled him back to the moment, soft lips once more meeting his own. Shiro let his own hands fall to Lance’s waist, wrapping around his trim stomach to slide along the muscular planes of his back. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” Lance told him, his breath hot against Shiro’s throat before teeth scraped less than gently at his throat. “I’d had a hard time imagining it, you know?”

Shiro gripped Lance’s hair tightly, urging him to use his teeth more, as they finally stepped into the bedroom. 

“But then when I saw you and James—” Shiro grunted, not particularly wanting to think about that night but also not wanting Lance to stop talking. “Seeing you holding him up so easily, your hands were on his ass—I was so _jealous.”_

Lance gasped as Shiro picked him up only long enough to toss him onto the king-sized bed. He went sprawling, his chest heaving and his eyelids hooded. Shiro had to pause, to drink in the sight of it. 

“I’ve spent too much time thinking about this,” Shiro admitted. “I don’t know what I want to do first.”

Lance grinned, sharp teeth on display as he moved to his knees and crawled to the edge of the bed. His hands went to Shiro’s jeans, nimble fingers unhooking the button and pulling down the zipper. As his hands moved into Shiro’s underwear, he spoke. “How about I suck you off while you decide whether you want to fuck me or vice versa?” 

“Jesus christ,” Shiro’s hand moved to Lance’s hair, gripping the strands tightly.

“I didn’t know you were religious,” Lance teased as his hands finally wrapped around Shiro’s length and pulled him out. He had that look in his eye that said he was going to make another joke – leave it to Lance – but instead he turned his eyes to Shiro’s cock and whistled lowly, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“I’m having an experience,” Shiro replied, voice barely above a whisper. Lance smiled again before he finally looked up and _winked,_ lowering his mouth to the tip of Shiro’s cock in a messy kiss.

_Oooh shit._

That was an image Shiro would have burned into his brain for years to come, maybe forever. Lance’s mouth moved lower as his other hand worked Shiro’s jeans and underwear further down his thighs. 

Winding his hand into Lance’s hair for balance, he kicked his clothes the rest of the way off, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it across the room. At that, Lance hummed happily and Shiro's nipples tightened at the vibration. 

He wanted to fuck Lance, that was for sure, had thought about it almost constantly since the kiss they’d shared three months ago. But now he couldn’t shake the image of Lance spreading him open, holding him down, making him feel so good. 

It had been a long time since anyone had fucked him. The nameless men he’d brought home over the years – as long ago as that had been – were never anyone he’d be willing to submit to that way. And James, who had been giving and sweet, had made it fairly clear he wasn’t very interested in switching things up. 

Shiro had never given much thought to which Lance would like best, but considering the fact that he was bisexual, it made sense he would enjoy being the dominant partner.

“Which do you prefer?” Shiro finally asked, trying to ignore the way Lance’s eyelashes fluttered as he pulled back with a low moan. 

“Oh,” Lance looked at him with something like surprise on his face. “Well…I like both. It’s been awhile since I’ve topped since, uhm, Jacob doesn’t enjoy it that much.”

Shiro nodded, trying to ignore the thought of Lance and Jacob as much as possible. Jacob was Lance’s husband – very, very soon to be ex. While he couldn’t pretend he’d never existed, and wouldn’t try, it didn’t mean he wanted to think about him while Lance’s mouth was hovering over his dick. But knowing that there was something Lance had been wanting that Jacob wasn’t willing to give… It took the decision right out of his hands.

“I want you to fuck me,” Shiro said easily, enjoying the way Lance’s eyes widened slightly before a sort of hazy arousal fell over them, his pupils growing fat. 

“You got it, baby,” Lance told him, pushing Shiro back with a hand on his stomach so that he had room to stand. 

Shiro watched in a daze as Lance grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it above his head. He’d seen Lance shirtless plenty of times, had actually shared communal showers before. But seeing Lance slowly more exposed with _intent…_

Shiro fought the urge to sit down. 

“Lube?” Lance asked, picking up the reins that Shiro had clearly dropped. 

“Bedside table,” he managed to say, his eyes fixed on Lance’s hands as they undid his own jeans and pushed them down. 

He was naked underneath and Shiro had a fully unadulterated view of his uncut dick, which jutted up proudly, just brushing his belly button.

That was enough to have him sitting, the edge of the bed coming up faster than he would have expected as he let himself fall, eyes still on Lance and the curve of his ass as he bent to look through the nightstand drawer. Shiro didn’t miss the way he thoughtfully flicked the baby monitor on.

Finding the bottle, Lance turned to him, that same wicked grin Shiro had come to associate with Lance being particularly pleased with himself. 

In the span of only a few seconds, Lance was back on the bed, his mouth once more around Shiro’s cock as his now slick fingers skimmed across his ass, pressing at the cleft until they found his hole. 

Lance wasted no time, pressing first one finger and then two, his mouth providing the perfect amount of suction to distract from the intrusion.

Shiro grabbed at the sheets underneath him to avoid pulling Lance’s hair out, his galra hand clutching tight enough to tear the fabric. Lance’s mouth was so wet and hot, he could feel saliva sliding down his dick to pool at the base before trickling underneath, and Lance used that to further facilitate the way his fingers were spreading him open. 

Just as he was about to tell Lance to get on with it, slim fingers pressed down and skated across his prostate, making him jump and curse.

Lance grinned around his cock, pulling off with a lewd noise before moving to his knees and up Shiro’s body to pull him into another kiss.

It was overly wet and sloppy, but Shiro threw himself into the act, his hands running down Lance’s back to pull his ass cheeks apart and ghost fingers over his own opening. 

Lance shuddered against him, smiling into their kiss. “Turn over,” he urged, pushing at Shiro’s legs.

He didn’t need to be told twice, pushing Lance back enough to give himself room before dropping to his stomach.

Lance pulled his hips up just enough, his knees pushing Shiro’s thighs apart to give himself room. He paused, his cock nestled between Shiro’s ass cheeks, the tip catching on his rim.

“Lance, _please,”_ Shiro moaned. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams and if Lance’s didn’t fuck him _right that second..._

“I’m taking a moment,” he spoke between gritted teeth. “Years of fantasies culminating right now. Trying to think of baseball or math or some shit.” 

Shiro laughed and rolled his eyes before pushing back, sinking back smoothly on Lance’s cock, his body opening up easily. 

“Oh mother _fuck,”_ Lance moaned, his hands falling to either side of Shiro’s shoulders as his hips pushed forward on instinct. 

Shiro huffed a laugh that quickly turned into a moan as Lance pulled back and thrust again.

“Remember this when I come in zero seconds,” Lance groaned, his mouth hot against the back of Shiro’s neck. 

“Oh, I’m gonna remember this,” Shiro returned and Lance growled deep in his throat, his teeth sinking into Shiro’s shoulder as he finally fucked into him meaningfully. 

The sound of skin on skin, Lance’s balls slapping against his and the obscene wet squelch of lube, their panting breaths and Lance’s moans muffled into his spine, it was like music as it echoed through the massive bedroom.

It was quick though, and despite the feeling of Lance deep inside him, the delicious weight of him, when he came Shiro was still hard and aching. 

He slipped out and dropped back on the bed, pulling at Shiro’s shoulder urgently. 

“Fuck me, fuck me, _please_ fuck me,” Lance was moaning, his hands sliding into Shiro’s hair to manhandle him closer.

“Are you sure?” Shiro asked, even as he was reaching for the lube, pouring it over his fingers. 

Lance nodded frantically, moving onto his back, spreading his legs wide.

Shiro had to take a second, wrapping his finger and thumb around his dick tightly, understanding what Lance must have been going through moments ago. Lance, never one to waste time, reached between his legs, his still slick fingers sinking into himself easily. 

Moaning at the sight, Shiro reached down to join him, both of their fingers slipping past tense muscle, opening him up beautifully. He noticed the way Lance’s cock twitched as he pressed against his prostate. 

“Ugh, youth,” he commented, rolling his eyes even as he leaned down to lick across the tip. 

Lance laughed, then moaned as he tightened around their fingers. 

“Don’t waste it, old man,” he quipped, pulling his and Shiro’s hands way, twining their fingers as he lay back against the bed, hands over his head on the mattress. 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Shiro told him, positioning himself as Lance’s wet asshole, pushing in slowly but firmly. 

They both moaned at the feeling, Lance’s other hand dropping down to clutch at Shiro’s head, pulling almost painfully at his hair. 

He was still for only a moment, but it was clearly too long for Lance, who bucked his hips up impatiently, urging Shiro on. 

“Please baby, you’re killing me,” Lance whined, as he ground his once again hard cock against Shiro’s stomach. 

Shiro hummed, enjoying the sound of Lance’s struggling somewhat sadistically, before he finally pulled back only enough to slide back in. 

Lance was loud, not that Shiro could say he was surprised. He spared a look at the baby monitor, but the lights indicated no noise from the other side. 

Every thrust of his hips had a soft, choked out noise spilling from Lance’s throat, and Shiro was just beginning to feel the tightening in his stomach of impending orgasm when Lance’s cries began to take on an even higher pitch. 

“Can you come like this?” Shiro asked, lifting his stomach away from Lance’s dick, ignoring the irritated groan this pulled out of him. “Without me touching you?”

Lance was panting, his eyes squeezed closed, and his shook his head in frustration. “I don’t know,” sweat was dripping down the side of his face from his hairline,” maybe? But please—”

Shiro bit his lip, fighting the need to come long enough to sit back on his heels, his hands at Lance’s hips before sliding down his thighs to grasp his knees and hold him spread. 

“Shiro, you fucking asshole—” Lance bit off his insult as Shiro thrust even harder, watching the way Lance’s drooling dick bounced against his stomach, his balls tight and dark with the need to release. 

“I think you can come like this,” Shiro taunted, grinning down at him. 

Lance looked like he was torn between murdering Shiro and crying, finally letting his head fall back against the bed as Shiro continued to pound into him. 

“You look so good sweetheart, so fucking hot, better than anything I ever imagined.”

Lance moaned and Shiro continued. “You’re so fucking tight, you feel so good on my cock, I could fuck you forever, I want to…”

Without warning Lance was coming, shooting between them high enough to spill across his chest and into the hollow of his throat. Shiro was almost too relieved to enjoy the image, as he finally let himself go as well, holding Lance’s hips tight against his lap. 

Dripping sweat and panting like he’d run a marathon, Shiro collapsed heavily against Lance, not bothering to avoid the mess between them. 

As he regained his breath, he took a minute to listen for the monitor, but everything sounded quiet. 

As if reading his mind, Lance spoke. “She really can sleep through anything.”

Shiro snorted, pressing a kiss into Lance’s throat, applying just enough teeth and suction to leave a mark. 

“I have a meeting with the admiral tomorrow,” Lance told him lightly, not moving away from Shiro’s mouth. 

Shiro hummed against his skin. “Well don’t tell her it’s from me.”

Lance huffed a laugh, and then he snorted which in turn became giggling, his entire body shaking with the motion. Shiro couldn’t help but join him, his own nervous energy burning through his body, the high of endorphins bubbling up. 

When they’d finally quieted down, giggles subsiding into lazy smiles and even lazier kisses, Lance stretched beneath him, pushing at his shoulder. 

“Alright, you’ve lived in this apartment for over four years and I have yet to use your giant bathtub,” he said, sitting up as Shiro gave him room. “It’s the only reason I’ve been trying to get in your pants.”

Shiro rolled his eyes. “As if you couldn’t have just asked this entire time.”

“Right, and then just lived with the memory of being naked in your bathroom? Using your toiletries? Jerking off in your tub?”

He dodged the pillow Shiro threw at him and grinned wildly as he darted for the bathroom. He left the door open, but Shiro took gave him a moment to run the water as he stripped the sheets and replaced them with clean ones from the linen closet.

By the time he made it in, Lance was already submerged to his chin, eyes closed in contentment. 

“Alright, that’s it, I’m buying an apartment with a bathtub, I can’t believe I’ve gone this long.”

Shiro smiled, reaching under the sink to grab epsom salt, dumping in a handful before joining him. 

Lance moved to make room, not that he needed to, the bathtub _was_ ridiculously huge. Shiro rearranged them so that Lance was between his legs, back pressed to his chest. It was probably some combination of amazing orgasm and soothing hot water that caused Shiro to open his mouth.

“You could just move in with me.”

Lance tensed, but only for a second, before he was turning around in Shiro’s arms. 

Shiro watched him, taking in his bright, clear blue eyes, and had a second to ask himself if he was being crazy. 

And maybe he was, but he couldn’t help thinking of Keith’s words about wasted time and missed opportunities. 

He didn’t want Lance to go home. Lance _was_ home. And Shiro needed him to know that. 

“Shiro, aren’t you worried that’s kind of…fast?”

Shiro couldn’t help a snort of derision. “It’s taken us how many years to get here? I don’t know if _fast_ is a good descriptor of our relationship.”

The corner of Lance’s mouth ticked up. “That’s true.”

“If you need time…” Shiro began, brushing one hand against the side of Lance’s face, enjoying the way he leaned into it like a cat. 

Lance shook his head, turning to kiss Shiro’s palm. “No, I…I’m a little concerned at how much I _want_ that. I’m honestly trying to play it cool right now so you don’t freak out.”

Shiro laughed. “Lance, I think you’re confusing me for someone who doesn’t know you very well. I already know you’re not cool.” 

He barely dodged the handful of water Lance threw his way, laughing the whole time until they were wrestling playfully, water splashing all over the floor without either noticing. Lance’s giggling was infectious as he pushed at Shiro’s shoulders before letting himself be captured. 

Shiro dropped a kiss on his nose, his arms wrapped around Lance like a prison. 

“Move in with me.”

“What about Kitty?”

“I don’t think she’ll mind, Lance,” Shiro joked. “I’m pretty sure she loves you more than me.”

Lance huffed a breath of laughter but pressed on. “I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to move in on you, like, as her dad.”

That thought had never occurred to Shiro. He sat back, puzzled. 

“You mean like, you don’t want me to be jealous?” 

Lance shook his head, drops of water flying. “Not exactly, more like…I don’t want her to ever be confused, with like, my place in her life.”

Shiro felt his head tilt in confusion. “Lance…you would still have a prominent place in her life even if you didn’t live here.”

“I guess that’s true…” Lance agreed. “I just…I love her so much, and if things don’t work out between us—”

Shiro cut that train of thought off quickly. “Our relationship has nothing to do with your relationship with my daughter, Lance. Even if things don’t work out and trust me when I say that as long as I have a say in this, they will,” Lance smiled sweetly at those words, “you’ll always be important to Kotomi.”

“You’re a good dad, Shiro,” Lance told him softly. 

“So are you,” Shiro returned.

Lance’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh.”

Shiro couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Weren’t you the one who told me there’s a reason people do this as a couple? Well you’re the other part of my parenting team.” 

Lance huffed a laugh. “What about Keith?” 

Shiro paused, his head tilting thoughtfully. “Well, Keith’s pretty high up there too. Honestly, Kitty is gonna have some serious dad confusion in a few years, the point is—”

Lance grinned, interrupting Shiro with a kiss. 

“The point _is_ you’re stuck with me _and_ my daughter, so you might as well move in and save yourself the commute.”

“Well when you put it that way,” Lance replied, faux thoughtful. “Guess I have no choice.”

“None at all.” 

Shiro pulled him close once more, drawing him into a kiss he had no intention of ever ending. 

A sharp cry from the monitor in the other room drew their attention.

“Never fails,” Shiro moaned.

“I got this,” Lance told him, stepping out of the tub and grabbing a towel.

Shiro drained the water and mopped up what was on the floor, stepping into the sweatpants he kept hanging on the back of the door. 

When he stepped into the bedroom, Lance was dressed in a pair of pajama pants and tee-shirt that he kept stashed in the bottom drawer of Kotomi’s closet, already tucked into the new sheets. 

His daughter was sprawled across the middle of the bed, mouth open in a soft baby snore. 

“I’m weak,” Lance told him at Shiro’s look of unsurprise. 

Shiro rolled his eyes, crawling under the covers on the other side of the baby. “This definitely wasn’t what I had in mind when I bought this bed.”

Lance settled back as well, laying his head down on a pillow as he turned to look at Shiro. 

“Life takes us where we’re meant to be, sometimes.”

+

“I gotta say, I really thought dinner with your best friend and your ex-lover was gonna be a little more awkward, but that was fun!”

Shiro huffed, shifting gears as he swerved through traffic smoothly. “You act like you aren’t friends with both of them.”

“Yeah…which is why I know how awkward they _both_ are. A perfect couple really.”

That was a sentiment something Shiro had expressed himself, but even with that mindset dinner had actually been really enjoyable.

It had been nice to actually joke with Keith, without the weird tension that had permeated their every interaction for the past almost-entire year. 

He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed listening to Keith and Lance bicker and joke. They were both so completely different but so much fun when brought together.

And the lingering weirdness between he and James, which admittedly had not been as bad as he’d feared, was nonexistent in the face of James obvious adoration of Keith.

Shiro couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognized Keith’s crush on James sooner – now that he knew, it was _so evident._

Lance had been right on the money with the heart eyes comment.

“They are pretty good together, huh?”

Lance grinned. “Well, I’d heard about the childhood rivalry and all I could think was—Keith _would_ be the type to pull someone’s pigtails instead of admitting he had a crush on them.”

Shiro looked over at that, surprise on his face. “You think Keith liked James since they were kids?”

Lance gave him a pitying look. “Shiro, you are so lucky Kitty has me in her life to teach her about this kind of stuff.”

Snorting a laugh, but not arguing because _honestly,_ Shiro pulled up to Lance’s parent’s house. 

He’d moved back in right after that day he’d had shown up at Shiro’s house crying, and though most of his siblings has dispersed to their own homes – most of them in the same neighborhood – it was always full of people. 

Heading inside together, Lance had barely gotten the door open before Kotomi was barreling for them both. 

“Daaaddeeee!” Her voice was sharp as a knife, but Shiro ate it up, scooping her up to hold above his head in the air. 

“Kitty Kat! Were you a good girl for Yaya?” 

“Nooo~,” she replied, which Shiro had expected, as it was currently her favorite answer to everything. 

Lance’s mother, ten feet behind her laughed. “Well, she didn’t try to eat the cat food this time, so I think I can safely disagree with that assessment.”

“It’s not her fault, if everyone called me Kitty I’d think cat food was a good idea too,” Lance supplied smoothly, stepping around Shiro with a hand at his back to head for the stairs. 

Shiro shot him a dark look. “And whose fault is that?”

Lance’s innocent look needed work. 

“Thanks for watching her Mrs. McClain, I really appreciate it.” Situating Kotomi at his hip, he followed her back into the kitchen. 

“Takashi, if I have to tell you one more time to call me Sylvia, I’m going to ground Lance so that he can’t move in with you.”

Thoroughly chastised, but in that sweet way that brought a warm blush to his face, Shiro smiled. 

“Right, sorry. Thanks for watching her, Sylvia.”

She waved him off, her attention already back at the dough she was kneading at the counter. 

Kotomi was struggling in his arms to be let down, it was very clear she had more interest in whatever Lance’s mother was making. 

“It’s nice to see Lance this happy,” Sylvia spoke, not looking at him. “I haven’t seen him so at ease in years.”

A nosy part of Shiro wanted to ask about Lance and his relationship with his ex-husband, but it wasn’t the time or place. Instead he commented on her first words.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize he wasn’t happy…”

Sylvia scoffed. “That’s Lance for you. He’d light himself on fire if it meant keeping someone else warm.”

Shiro nodded his head in agreement, just as Lance bounced back into the room, a duffle bag slung over his arm.

“You planning to move into Shiro’s place one bag at a time?” Veronica asked as she entered the kitchen from the other side of the room. 

Rachel was right behind her, followed by three children under the age of five that Shiro couldn’t name without a better look. They were one of Lance’s cousin’s children, he was pretty sure – it was hard to keep track sometimes. 

Kitty’s attention was immediately captured, following the kids into the other room with single minded focus. Shiro let her go, just for a minute. 

“That’s exactly what I’m trying _not_ to do,” Lance told her, reaching around his mother to grab some of the dough she was rolling out. He dodged her swatting hands expertly, stepping away with his prize.

At Veronica’s confused face, Shiro answered. “There’s really no point if we’re just going to move again in a couple months.”

“Looking for a new place?”

“Found, actually,” Shiro confided. It was a house he’d been eyeing out for months, new construction he drove past every day on the way to work. Lance agreeing to move in had been all the catalyst he needed to call his realtor and tell her to make an offer. “They accepted my bid, but we’ve gotta wait a bit for some final construction.” 

“It’s got a _pool,”_ Lance gushed, shoving raw dough into his mouth. At Shiro’s imploring eyes, he held the last bit out for Shiro to eat out of his fingers. Sugar cookie dough melted on his tongue. 

Veronica gagged while Rachel cooed, and Shiro tried to ignore the warm flush of his cheeks at Lance’s playful grin. 

“So what’s happening with your apartment? You selling it?” 

Shiro tilted his head at Veronica’s question. He was having a hard time parting with it. His apartment being the first major purchase of his life post Voltron, there was a level of sentimentality he couldn’t shake.

A part of him wanted to keep it for Kotomi, for whenever she was old enough to move out on her own, if she wanted.

“I’ve been thinking about leasing it, but the more I look into property managing, the more of a hassle it feels like.”

Veronica shrugged a slim shoulder, pushing up her glasses with one finger. “Well, I _have_ been looking for a place to rent…”

“What? Why? What’s wrong with this place?” Lance sounded offended, and Shiro smiled at the insulted look on his face.

“Lance, your sisters don’t have to live in this house forever,” his mother reminded him.

“But why would she want to go live by herself—”

“Because I don’t _want_ to live by myself,” Veronica interrupted primly. “And Acxa has a hard time staying over here because there are so many people. It’s loud, and she doesn’t particularly care for kids—”

 _”Axca?”_ Lance gasped, looking at Shiro as if for confirmation on what he’d just heard. “Since _when?”_

“Oh Lance darling, for some time now,” Sylvia commented, while Rachel and Veronica rolled their eyes, a _Lance, amiright,_ look shared between them. 

Shiro was only mildly startled when that look was turned his way, both women looking for confirmation of Lance’s antics. 

He returned it, knowing exactly what they meant, and enjoying the way they both beamed at him in reply.

“Judas!” Lance huffed, dropping his duffle bag to head into the living room, ostensibly to hunt down Kotomi. 

Looking at all of the women in the kitchen smiling at him knowingly, Shiro felt a bright sense of belonging. It warmed him deep down to his core. 

He’d spent a lot of time with Lance’s family over the years, and they’d all taken to the knowledge of their relationship with an unphased blink or a softly muttered _about time._

Though he thought of his closest friends as family more than anything, closer than blood could ever bring him to anyone, there was a difference that Shiro couldn’t help but note. Being around Lance’s parents, his siblings and cousins, their clutch of children – it was unlike any of the relationships he’d ever had. 

His mother was gone, passed away while he was still a kid, so young that Shiro could barely remember her. She had been soft, always wearing a floral perfume that he thought might have been jasmine. He’d caught the scent of jasmine flowers once and been struck with the memory of her. 

His father, on the other hand, had been hard. Sending him to military school as soon as he was able, they’d had very little relationship after that. What had existed between them, stilted phone calls and occasional uncomfortable dinners, ended as soon as his father had learned of his relationship with another man.

Sometimes Lance’s parents made him ache. Both so warm and welcoming, they were a stark reminder of what he’d lost – and never had to begin with. 

Every decision he made as a father was to ensure that Kotomi never feel the way he did, never wonder if her father loved her, or question his devotion. 

Keith’s words resonated, and Shiro wondered if his father was still alive, and if he was, would he want to know about his granddaughter? 

Soft hands at his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts, and Shiro turned to find Sylvia holding out a tupperware container of cookies.

“Don’t let Lance eat all of them,” she smiled knowingly, pressing them into his hands. 

“As if he could stop me!” Lance crowed, returning to the kitchen with Kotomi slung over his shoulder in a fireman carry. Her dress was rucked up around her waist revealing little blue panties printed with daisies. 

They were on four days of no accidents, and Shiro was starting to think the potty-training battle had finally been won. 

Shiro leaned down to drop a kiss on Sylvia’s cheek, before scooping up Lance’s bag from the floor. Slinging it over his shoulder he looked to his daughter. 

“Say bye to Yaya,” he told her, waving his hand to demonstrate unnecessarily, and Lance spun around to give her the chance to see everyone. 

Kotomi waved one chubby hand, the other clutching at Lance’s jacket. 

“Bye-bye Yaya!”

“Bye-bye Kitty, you sweet girl,” Sylvia grabbed her face, kissing both cheeks and then the back of Lance’s head. 

“See ya mom,” Lance hefted Kotomi more securely on his shoulder, before turning to his sisters. “Don’t think this is over, I want _all_ the details.”

Veronica waved him off as Rachel grinned, taking one of the cookies now on the table. The scent was beginning to permeate the house, and as if on cue, Shiro could hear the sound of small feet barreling down the stairs. 

“We’ll talk more about the apartment next week, Shiro!” Veronica called, and he nodded in agreement before following his boyfriend and his daughter out of the house. 

“Lala tall,” Kotomi told him once she caught his eye from her perch.

“He’s not that tall,” Shiro replied, grinning as Lance tried to swat at him.

+

Lance was stressed. 

“I’m not stressed, Shiro, I just want everything to be perfect.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow, choosing not to comment as he searched through the cabinets trying to locate the blender. He was still having a hard time remembering where everything went in their new kitchen – which was bigger than the living room in his old apartment.

Lance pushed past him, swinging open a cabinet door to pull out the blender and hand it to Shiro.

Marveling at Lance’s ability to locate stuff in their new place, not to mention the fact that he’d known what Shiro was looking for without asking, Shiro started pulling fruit out of the fridge. 

Lance went back to eyeballing the streamers he’d hung up, muttering under his breath as he moved a step stool to readjust one. 

“Can I help with—”

“No,” Lance grunted, unsticking a strand to restick it one inch over. “Keep Kitty entertained, I still have so much decorating to do before the caterer gets here.”

“I can take her over to your parents,” Shiro offered, dropping strawberries and bananas into the mixer along with yogurt. “Or I can call Keith to watch her!”

“You have no eye for this,” Lance told him, stepping down from the stool to take in his work. Nodding decisively, he turned to the giant bucket of flowers which were currently sitting outside the French doors on the patio, waiting to be placed in vases. 

“Lance, sweetheart, it’s Hunk and Shay, they’re not going to care about everything being perfect.”

“They won’t care but they’ll _know._ You know how good Shay is at this, I just want their party to be even half as nice.”

That was something Shiro could agree with. Shay and Hunk had cornered the market on party planning amongst their group and had just set the bar even higher with Kotomi’s second birthday two months before.

After mixing the smoothies, Shiro poured two glasses and one plastic kid’s cup complete with lid and straw.

“Just try to remember your worth as Hunk’s best friend doesn’t hinge on your ability to throw him a baby shower,” he said, placing one glass in Lance’s hands.

“Well, well,” Lance’s voice was muffled around the flower stem in his mouth. “Someone has clearly been paying attention during their therapy sessions.”

Rolling his eyes, and definitely not informing Lance of the accuracy of that statement, Shiro headed upstairs to wake Kotomi up from her nap. 

She was sprawled out across the floor of the playroom, three feet away from the wildlife canopy tent she’d fallen asleep in. Her blanket and stuffed lion were trailed behind her like afterthoughts. 

With minimal prodding and the promise of a smoothie, Kotomi was up and dressed in tiny overalls and a striped tee-shirt. She was looking more and more like Pidge every day, even with her pin straight black hair. 

“Is the party now?” Kotomi asked, one hand gripping the plastic cup while the other dug through a toy box with determination. 

“Not yet, there’s still more things to do before everyone starts to arrive.”

“Like what?” Her tongue was poking out of her mouth as she pushed action figures and lego blocks out of the way. He had a feeling he knew what she was trying to find but he let her continue the hunt.

“Things like balloons and flowers and food—” His list was interrupted by her shout of triumph when she pulled a plastic dinosaur out. Shiro looked at the toy in her hand. “Is that the brontosaurus?”

Kotomi sighed the supremely put-upon sigh that only small children could accomplish and looked at her father with faux patience. 

“It’s a plateosaurus daddy, look.” She held it out in her small hand for him to examine. She was, of course, right.

“I stand corrected,” Shiro told her, taking the now empty cup from her hand, stacking it in his own finished cup.

“Ask Lala, he knows everything about dinosaurs,” Kotomi informed him primly. 

“Well, I’ll just do that,” Shiro returned, grasping her by the back of her overalls and hoisting her into the air to carry down the stairs. 

She was squealing and laughing so loudly he almost missed the chime of the doorbell, but he made a quick detour towards the entrance to the house at the sound. 

Hands full, he held Kotomi in front of the door knob. “Kitty, if you could be so kind.”

Giggling the entire time, with both hands – still gripping the dinosaur – she turned the handle and immediately began kicking and screaming in excitement when she found Keith and James on the other side.

Only Keith’s quick reflexes kept his daughter from being a spot of the floor, and he caught her around the waist, feet up and head dangling.

“You’re a little early,” Shiro commented, amused. 

James shrugged helplessly, but Keith threw him a knowing look. 

“I’m here to rescue you from your boyfriend,” he said, pushing into the house. Shiro stood back to give them both room and shut the door, following behind as they led him into the kitchen. 

“I guess Lance told Keith he was planning to do all the decorating himself,” James confessed, looking at Shiro. “And he specifically said he didn’t need any help.”

Shiro nodded, more than aware of Lance’s plan for the day. Convincing him to hire a caterer instead of doing all the cooking had been a feat in itself, Shiro hadn’t even attempted to push for more. 

Lance looked up at the sound of their entrance, his face first harried, then confused, before settling on relieved. 

“Oh thank god you’re here, I need so much help.”

+

The party was a roaring success. 

Their new house was massive, way bigger than Shiro thought anyone could ever need, but seeing it packed full of their friends and family, he couldn’t have been happier they’d chosen it. 

They kept the patio doors open, and everyone moved between the kitchen and pool area as they laughed and ate. Music was pouring through the speaker system and Shiro watched from an adirondack chair as people began to dance in the sprawling grassy lawn.

Shiro personally witnessed Lance’s dad save one of his grandkids from what was sure to be a concussion as they ran to jump in the pool, slipping on wet concrete along the way. 

“Dad reflexes,” Hunk commented, his voice awed. 

Keith grunted in agreement, his arm around James waist, who was sitting on the arm of his chair. 

“Do those come naturally, or do you have to take a class?” Hunk looked to Shiro curiously, who shook his head.

“I’m hoping it develops over time,” he replied, thinking of the week before when he’d watched Kotomi bounce right off the teeter-totter and into the dirt. “Kids are pretty resilient though.”

Keith snorted, no doubt thinking of the same thing, since he’d been the one on the other side of the teeter-totter.

“Maybe just don’t let your baby play with Keith?” James offered, laughing happily at Keith’s look of betrayal. 

Shiro grinned into his cup, looking over to the pool to spot Lance in the shallow end, his hands under Kotomi’s armpits as she bobbed in the water. 

“If you’re going to model your parenting after anyone, I’d suggest Lance. Or really, anyone in the McClain family.”

They all watched together as Lance tossed her a few feet away in the water, holding out his hands for her to swim back to him. Shiro had been nervous about the pool, but after dedicated lessons from Lance, Kotomi was a better swimmer than even he was.

“The man was born to be a dad,” Keith replied, and Hunk hummed in agreement. 

“Think you’ll have any more?” He asked, looking at Shiro curiously.

Shiro – who had just taken a gulp of his lemonade, which he then choked upon until it came back up his nose. 

Ignoring everyone’s grinning, Shiro tried to mop up the mess with his button down. 

“Um, that’s not—I hadn’t really thought,” he coughed once more to cover his bewilderment. He would have floundered even longer if James hadn’t reached over to pat his shoulder comfortingly. He looked up to see his friends smiling with obvious humor. 

Rolling his eyes, he unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off to sit in a tank top, which was thankfully still dry.

“Probably should get married before we have more kids.”

He enjoyed the payback on watching them all choke on their own drinks. 

+

“Shiro, fucking _god,”_ Lance spoke into his balled up fist, which was pressed almost fully into his mouth. It didn’t cover the higher pitched moan he let loose when Shiro pressed his fingers deeper into his ass, mouth pulling away from his hard cock with a loud wet pop.

“If you don’t quiet down, we’re gonna get caught,” Shiro reminded him, his fist moving along Lance’s length. 

Lance nodded shakily, pressing his own fingers into his mouth to gag himself more effectively. The other clutched at the edge of Shiro’s desk, holding on for dear life. Which was fair, considering Shiro wasn’t really supporting that much of Lance’s weight even with the way his legs were thrown over Shiro’s shoulders. 

From his position crouched on his knees, Shiro could see his closed office door, but the frosted glass didn’t leave much to privacy – it was best to stay as quiet as possible and avoid drawing in nosy passersby. 

Lance shivered, goosebumps spilling across his exposed skin at the sensation and Shiro watched in fascination before dipping his head back down, licking messily at the base of Lance’s cock while at the same time pressing two fingers even deeper into his loose hole. 

Taking him into his mouth, Shiro continued the assault, sucking enthusiastically until Lance was once more pushed to the edge and he tossed his head back with a lewd moan.

Dropping Lance’s knees to the floor, he ignored the startled look on his face to stand up and pull the undershirt he wore high enough to stuff it into his mouth. 

“Let this go and we stop,” he told Lance firmly before grasping his hips and spinning him around to face the desk. The moment his hands were braced flat against the dark wood, Shiro fell back to his knees, pulling apart Lance’s ass cheeks to expose him fully. 

Lance moaned again when Shiro buried his tongue as deep as he could, but this time it was sufficiently muffled by the white tee-shirt. His uniform blouse had fallen off his shoulders and hung around his elbows, his shoes and pants kicked off and away. 

He looked beautiful. Like all of Shiro’s fantasies come to life.

He kind of was, in a way. 

Lance’s thighs began to tremble, and the muffled moaning was near constant. Taking pity, he reached between his legs to grasp his dick, and with three quick pulls, Lance was coming all over the floor beneath his desk. 

Shiro was quick to pop up, getting his own pants undone only enough for him to shove his hand inside and stroke himself roughly. He was already spilling into his palm when Lance pulled him into a kiss, fingers tangling into his hair. 

“I would have returned the favor,” he laughed softly, his voice still slightly hoarse. 

“No time,” Shiro returned with just as much amusement.

As if to prove them both right, the landline on Shiro’s desk rang. 

“Commander Shirogane,” he answered, still feeling sweat dripping down the back of his blouse. 

“Better pull up your pants, Commander. Admiral Cherish is on her way to your office to recommend you for promotion.”

“Oh jesus christ! Now?” Shiro looked up sharply at the startled look from Lance, who was still lounging uselessly against the side of his desk. At least his pants were almost all the way on. “Wait, we weren’t—”

“I’m standing ten feet down from your office,” Keith intercepted the lie. “Dude, your windows are frosted.”

Blushing, but still unwilling to admit to anything, Shiro rolled his eyes. “Understood. Give me five.”

“Everything okay?” Lance asked, without even opening his eyes, clearly unconcerned with redressing.

Shiro started in on the buttons of his shirt, pulling off his uniform blouse to toss his sweaty undershirt into the gym bag on his couch and grabbing out another. 

“Well if you considering _your_ boss listening to you moan and whine, on top of the fact that Cherish is en route, sure everything is fine.”

Lance had never gotten dressed faster. 

By the time they were straightening out the last bits of their uniform, Shiro tucking still sweaty stray hairs behind Lance’s ear, there was a knock on the door.

At Shiro’s behest, it opened to reveal a rather jovial looking woman and a thoroughly amused Keith at her back. 

“Commander Shirogane, may I come in?”

“Of course, ma’am,” Shiro gestured inside, looking around for any incriminating evidence of what they’d just done. Lance looked at him with wide eyes that darted to the window nervously. 

“Oh Senior Officer McClain,” the Admiral greeted in surprise, while Shiro stepped as casually as possible to the window to pull it open. 

Vaguely listening to Lance chat seamlessly – as if he hasn’t just been bent over Shiro’s desk drooling into his own shirt – Shiro finally turned around to join the conversation, pointedly ignoring Keith’s shit eating grin.

“Well Shirogane, I’ve come here to inform you that the paperwork for your promotion to Vice Admiral has just been submitted.”

Shiro stood a little straighter in surprise. Already? But it seemed so fast, and promotion season wasn’t anywhere close and—

“It may be sudden, but it’s necessary,” she continued, her almond eyes pinning him down. Admiral Cherish was beautiful, with dark skin and a severe bun that pulled tightly at her skin. “I’ll be announcing my retirement sooner than planned, and I’d like to get you ready to step into my role.”

Shock spread through the room, and all of the men there looked to her in surprise. Cherish was quite small, with a quickness to smile gave her an air of someone who could be steamrolled easily. Anyone who spent more than five minutes speaking with her though was quickly disabused of that notion. 

“Admiral—”

“Ma’am, why—” 

She held up a hand to stop them all and smiled softly. “It’s time. I never meant to hold this position for as long as I did, but Iverson is a stubborn bastard who has no intention of leaving his post. You on the other hand…”

She smiled, and it was both warm and slightly terrifying. 

“I…hadn’t realized you were considering retirement…” Shiro didn’t know what else to say, and she quickly waved him off.

“My first grandson is about to be born, and my wife and I would like to enjoy a bit of this post-war world we’ve managed to rebuild.” 

“Oh, congratulations!” Lance interjected, shooting Shiro _a look._

 _A look?_ What was Lance… Oh _right._ The promotion.

“Well, yes, of course I’m honored that you’d consider me,” he finally said, though couldn’t help adding, “Are you sure…?”

Cherish turned to look at him, and behind her Shiro could see Keith watching him, a little bit of pride of his face. Turning to Lance, he found the same. 

“Don’t start questioning me now, Shirogane. You’ll be the youngest Admiral, but you’ll have a few years yet. I won’t throw you straight to the wolves.”

The youngest admiral. Just like he’d been the youngest captain, and the youngest commander.

“You’re more than prepared, Shiro,” she told him, her use of his nickname pulling him out of his thoughts. “And between you and me, I think you’d make a fine Admiral of the Fleet one day, but I’ll leave that up to you.”

 _Admiral of the Fleet._ The highest rank in the Galaxy Force, the head of every garrison and it’s admirals, in charge of every person in the entire military. 

For a moment, Shiro felt faint. 

A solid hand at his back held him steady. He looked at Lance in surprise – surely he’d been standing on the other side of the room seconds ago. 

Cherish’s laughter rang throughout the room. “Like I said Shirogane, you’ve got some time. We’ll get you ready.”

And with that bomb, she left the room.

“I’ve never thought about blowing the Fleet Admiral before…” Lance mused, barely managing to hide his grin behind his hand. 

Keith made a gagging noise. “Gross, Lance.” 

“Don’t be jealous you’ll never taste the brass’s dick!” 

“Oh jesus—” Keith darted out to swat at Lance, who quickly dodged by falling back into a heavy bookcase. It rattled, something falling off one of the shelves, unnoticed by either of the men who were still wrestling.

Shiro sat down finally, his eyes drawn to the spill of cum underneath his desk. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but smile a little. 

They wanted him to be Vice Admiral, and here he was still sneaking around like a teenager in love. 

A loud noise drew his attention and he looked up just in time to see Lance pull Keith into a headlock, books spilled across the ground where Keith had clearly kicked them off. 

They were giggling, faces flushed and hair a mess – Keith’s braid almost completely undone. 

They were grown men, playing like children, and they both looked happy.

Shiro set his elbows on his desk, head in his hands. 

He was beginning to think this entire idea of _growing up_ was a scam.

+

“Can I hold the baby?” It was the closest Kotomi got to a whisper, which was to say, not very quiet at all. Her hands clutched at Shiro’s arm as she stood on tip-toe, desperately trying to look at the baby in his arms.

Shiro looked to Shay who smiled agreeably. 

“You have to be very careful,” Shiro started, standing from his chair to give Kotomi room to sit. She moved into his spot, sitting still as a statue with her arms held out straight. 

Shiro placed the baby into her arms gently, positioning them both carefully as he knelt down in front for guidance. Kotomi was practically quivering with excitement as she pulled the blanket down just a bit to reveal luminous yellow eyes watching her with just as much interest. 

“Oh! His eyes are so big!” 

Lance laughed a little bit behind them. “That’s Hoku, sweetheart. I have her brother Kalani here.” 

He held the babies twin expertly in his arms. 

Kotomi frowned slightly. “Auntie Pidge says that stuff is all made up anyway.”

Shiro grinned. “Auntie Pidge is right, but until Hoku is old enough to tell us otherwise, we’ll go with this.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood up, still right next to her just in case. 

Hunk laughed as he came in from the other room, a towel tossed over one shoulder and a cup of tea in one hand, which he passed to Shay.

“Kid is two going on twenty.” 

Shiro sighed, looking at the newest parents with sympathy. “Don’t get me started. Let me just say, when these two start asking where babies come from, try not to have Pidge in the room.”

Shay tilted her head in concern. “But Pidge has given birth herself, wouldn’t she be able to give the best information?”

“That’s exactly why you don’t want her around,” Lance cut in. “I think I’d like Kitty to be a little bit older the next time she asks me to better explain an _episiotomy.”_

Even Shay cringed. Shiro wasn’t sure of the full details of a Balmeran-Human birth but he had a better idea at the look in her eyes. 

“Hunk, Shay, you two make some beautiful babies.”

Both new parents smiled at Lance, the exhausted but blissful smile Shiro remembered well. 

“I hope you have ten more!”

Shay balled up the napkin under her tea and threw it directly in Lance’s face, paying no mind to the baby in his arms. 

“Lala, will you have a baby?” 

The room froze at Kotomi’s question, her soft-spoken words hanging in the air. After a moment, Lance moved to pass Kalani back to his mother, stepping over to Kotomi and Hoku.

Brushing the strands of hair that had fallen from her ponytail back, he pressed a kiss to her head. “I have you, Kitty.”

Shiro watched, breath caught in his throat as Kotomi looked up in confusion. “I’m not a baby, Lala.”

Lance grinned. “You’re _my_ baby, Kitten.”

Kotomi finally nodded, seemingly accepting of the answer and turned back to Hoku, who was still watching her quietly. “I like this baby though, we should keep her.”

“I think her mom and dad would be pretty sad about that.” Shiro told her with a soft smile, his heart clenching at the wistfulness in her voice.

His daughter sighed, resigned. “I guess you’re right.”

“Kitty, next year you’ll start pre-school, and there will be so many other kids to play with!”

She looked up in excitement at Lance’s voice. “Yeah? How many?”

“So many! And until then, we can always go to Yaya’s house and you can play with the other kids there. You don’t want Ramon to get jealous, do you? I thought he was your best friend?”

“Ramon is my best friend!” Kitty sounded scandalized at the implication. 

“How about I call his mom and see if he can stay the night tonight?” 

Shiro watched Lance diffuse the situation, getting Kotomi excited for a night of cartoons and snacks with Lance’s cousin’s son.

Kotomi was so far beyond what he’d expected of a kid almost three years old. Really, he should have been prepared, but no amount of advice from Colleen and Sam could ready him for such an intelligent child. She was already asking questions that he didn’t know how to answer, and every book he read left him with more and more concerns. It almost felt like there was no way to _not_ fuck everything up.

“You have that _I’m doing everything wrong_ look,” Lance told him later that night as they stood side by side at the sink in their kitchen. 

The music of cartoons tinkled from the living room, barely indistinguishable from the sound of Kotomi and Ramon’s squealing laughter. Shiro was going to regret giving them fruit juice, he was sure of it. 

Looking at Lance, Shiro took him in. 

He’d settled into adulthood well. His skin was still firm and clear, the product of an unshakeable nighttime routine, and his hair was longer than it had been when they were kids – falling into his eyes casually. 

Eyes that were still bright and content, sparkling blue in the kitchen light. 

“Do you want to have more kids?” 

Water splashed them both as Lance dropped the cup he’d been drying right back into the sink. 

“What—I don’t—I haven’t thought—” Lance paused, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking at Shiro again. “Do _you_ want to have more kids?”

Shiro looked at the sink, at plastic kids plate he was washing. “I don’t know…I don’t think so but…I don’t want to say _no_ exactly.”

“Takashi…all kids ask about siblings at some point or another. Don’t think you’re depriving Kitty of something because she’s an only child.”

“But what about you?” Shiro reached out to grab Lance’s wrist, unmindful of the water on his hands. “Am I depriving you?” 

“Do I look deprived to you?” Lance held out his hands, one wrist still clutched in Shiro’s, showing off the sippy cup the other hand and the water spilled down his shirt.

Shiro took him in and thought for a moment. “You’d tell me, if you felt like you were missing something?” 

Lance tilted his head in concern. “Baby, I have everything I’ve ever wanted.” He dropped the cup back into the sink and pulled the plate out of Shiro’s other hand before wrapping his arms around Shiro’s waist in a wet hug. 

“If I’m being honest…” He spoke into Shiro’s collarbone. “When I was a kid, I always wondered what it’d be like to be an only child. I love my siblings – and my cousins – _so much._ But the idea of having all of my parents attention…all of their love. Kotomi is really lucky, Shiro.”

He pulled back, taking Shiro’s face in his hands. “She hit the jackpot getting you for a dad.”

Shiro leaned in, pressing his mouth against Lance’s, slipping his tongue inside just briefly. He felt good, Lance’s words a balm to his concern and his touch a warm point of focus. Lulled into a soft, content place after hours of emotional turmoil it was no wonder the next words out of his mouth were incredibly stupid. 

“Marry me, Lance.”

Cooling dish water hit him in the face before he could even think. 

“Oh no you fucking don’t Takashi Shirogane, you are _not_ proposing to me over dishes!” 

Shiro was wiping the water out of his eyes as his brain caught up with the situation. Wide eyed he looked at Lance who was thankfully grinning, but more than prepared to splash him again, his hand poised in the sink.

Holding up his hands in surrender, Shiro stepped backwards. 

“Marry who? I didn’t say anything,” he backpedaled uselessly.

“You go check on the babies Shiro, and I’ll finish these dishes and we’ll just pretend this conversation never happened, hmm?” 

Lance looked like he was questioning every decision that ever brought him to this place, but he was still smiling, eyebrows cocked as he levied his offer. 

“Already forgotten, I love you, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me!” Shiro spoke quickly as he ran from the room.

“Don’t you forget it!” 

+

“Lately, I’ve been feeling weird.”

“Weird, how?”

Shiro sighed, trying to relax against the worn leather sofa. No matter how many times he sat on it, he still felt like he was on stage every time. 

His therapist looked at him, a soft look of concern on his face. Shiro liked him – had settled on him after three others in between the first woman who had denied his adoption petition. He had a bland face that never seemed overly judgey, and his expressions always felt genuine. 

“The family thing, still…I think.” 

“Which family thing?”

Shiro rolled his eyes. That was a great question. 

“My dad, I think.” 

His therapist nodded. “The last we spoke of him, you said you were thinking about reaching out. Have you?”

Shiro shook his head, picking at the thread of his sweater. It was slate grey and buttery soft, something Lance had picked out. 

“Did you speak to Lance about it?”

Shiro pursed his lips before nodding. “He said he’d support me either way.”

His therapist nodded. “Sometimes that’s more difficult isn’t it? Unwavering support.”

Shiro looked up at that. “Yes!”

“You wish he’d help you decide?”

“Yes!”

“Do you think that’s fair?”

Tilting his head, Shiro looked at his therapist questioningly. “What do you mean fair?”

“Well that puts a lot of pressure on Lance, doesn’t it? It puts all of the decision in his hands.”

“I wouldn’t blame Lance for whatever happens,” Shiro told him indignantly. “If that’s why you’re implying.”

“It’s a very human thing to try to blame ourselves.” 

“So what are you saying I should do?” Shiro clenched his hands, stopping himself from pulling at the thread harder. 

“I’m not telling you to do anything Shiro, that’s not my role here. But there does come a time when inaction is just as harmful as ignorance. You can discuss a solution to something so many times but if nothing ever changes, you might as well ignore it completely.”

Shiro wanted to reach out and shake the other man. This was what he hated about therapy. Everything was so _vague._ He just wanted someone to tell him what the right thing to do was. 

“Let’s try this,” his therapist began. “Why do you want to get in touch with your father? What’s bringing it up after so many years?”

Sighing, Shiro thought for a moment before saying, “Kotomi. And Lance. And just…growing up I guess.” Shiro looked at the man in front of him, his mousey brown hair and grey eyes. Doctor Martin was about his age, maybe a little older. There was no judgement on his face. 

“You expect your parents to know everything right? To have all the answers. And my dad was an asshole, he made the wrong choices and said the wrong things. But he was only twenty-one when I was born. Twenty-seven when my mom died. And I’m not trying to cut him any slack, I was six and he should have been there for me. But when I think about being in his situation, I just…feel bad for him. He was just a stupid kid you know?”

Martin nodded, twirling the pen in his fingers twice. “Having your own child often opens your eyes to the struggles your parents faced. He sent you to military school when you were twelve, you said?”

“Yeah,” Shiro nodded into his hand. “I was happy about it honestly. Being home with just the two of us was stifling. We didn’t have much to say to each other and…there was always this space—this space my mother used to fill that was just…empty.”

It was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t really hate him, I just never could tell how he felt about me.”

“That’s certainly hard for anyone, no matter their age.” 

“I guess I didn’t know him all that well either, his reaction to Adam was definitely a surprise. I think it was the first time I ever told him anything about my life outside of school and he just—lost it. Always made me wonder… Always made me wonder what my mom would have thought. Anyway, I stopped talking to him after that.”

“It’s a good reason to separate yourself from someone. You don’t owe anyone your time or affection, not even your parents.”

They’d talked about this before. Shiro had told him this story, in bits and pieces. But it felt good to get it all out at once, to finally dig at what had been bothering him so much lately. 

“I can’t imagine any reason I would ever abandon Kotomi like that. Absolutely nothing. I think I’d help her hide a body if she asked me to.”

Martin grinned, despite the nature of the conversation, and Shiro remembered once more why he liked this man. 

“That’s a common feeling for many parents.”

“So why do I feel like I should give this guy another chance? He wrote me off because I’m gay, he never even tried to get in contact with me, _why do I even care?”_

It hung in the air between them, Shiro’s desperate words, charged with emotion. 

“Some strings have to be pulled,” Martin said after a moment, and at Shiro’s confused expression, he gestured to the hem of Shiro’s sweater. “Sometimes when you pull it, the fabric rends and becomes damaged. But that’s okay because you can stop and fix it. Other times, you pull the string and it comes out cleanly. Either way, the string is dealt with and you can move on.”

“You know it’s shit like this that makes people hate therapists,” Shiro pointed out, finally letting the string on his sweater go. 

Martin laughed, and suddenly his bland face seemed more alluring. “We really are the worst.”

Shiro sighed and very deliberately did not pull at his sweater again. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“If I wanted to adopt right now, would you recommend me?” 

Martin’s eyebrows shot up. “Well I hardly think it’s my place, but of course I would.”

“Even with my laundry list of hang-ups?”

It was his therapists turn to sigh, and he shook his head. “You’re building up the perfect parent in your head and I can tell you right now that it doesn’t exist. Everyone has hang-ups. It’s how we choose to manage them that says what kind of person we are.” 

+

The phone was ringing, echoing in Shiro’s ear. Seated at his desk, he twirled the Vice Admiral name plate over and over while he waited for it to connect. 

The first two numbers he’d tried were out of service, and this was really his last place to turn. He’d assumed out of everything his grandparent’s ryokan would be long closed, but the number was clearly still active. 

It connected, and a gruff voice spoke in Japanese. “Shirogane Onsen,” was all it said.

“The onsen is still open?” Shiro asked in surprise, everything he’d meant to say falling by the wayside. 

“There’s snow now, but we’re open,” the voice continued, slightly confused. It was quieter, gentler maybe, but it was unmistakable.

“Dad?” Shiro asked, clutching at his desk phone. 

“Who is this?” The other voice turned hard and then Shiro was sure.

“Uhh…it’s me. Takashi…” 

There was a soft breath of air on the other side. “Takashi…I didn’t think…”

He trailed off and they both waited. Finally, his father spoke again. “I saw you on the news. Saved the world—more than once they say.”

Shiro huffed a laugh, tension leaving his shoulders. “Something like that.”

“I didn’t think...” His father trailed off once more and Shiro held his breath. “You’re a hard man to get ahold of…that garrison does a good job of keeping the riff raff out.”

“You tried to get in contact with me?”

“They sent me a box with some stuff in it when you disappeared… Some medals and books. Guess they thought you were dead.”

“Yeah they did.” 

“When I saw you on the news after I tried to call but the only number I had was yours and that b-boyfriend of yours.”

Shiro took note of the way he stumbled over the word, wondering at the hesitation. “Adam died during the invasion.” 

“That’s…that’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear that.”

And there it was. The words Shiro had waited almost twenty years to hear, though maybe not in the exact context. 

“He was a good man,” Shiro sounded hesitant, even to his own ears. “My current partner is a good man too.”

“O-oh?” 

Shiro wasn’t positive, but he was pretty sure this was the longest conversation he’d had with his father since he was twelve. It was so bizarre he couldn’t even stop to question it. 

“Yeah, his name is Lance. I’m going to ask him to marry me soon.”

It was quiet, and Shiro wondered for a minute if that had been too much for his narrow-minded father to handle, but then he spoke. “Congratulations.”

Shiro released a breath. “Thanks. We’re really happy.”

He hesitated, for only a moment, before finally he told him. “We have a daughter.”

His father gasped, and Shiro held his breath for what felt like the hundredth time. “Yeah? How… Or uh, who—”

Taking pity, Shiro interrupted. “A friend of mine and Lance’s carried her, she’s mine biologically but Lance is her father too.”

It was important Shiro told him that, made him know. 

“Her name is Kotomi, but we call her Kitty.”

“Oh you…you gave her a Japanese name.”

“Yeah, it’s very fitting. She’s so beautiful.”

“How old is she?”

“She’ll be four soon, she just started pre-school but she’s already reading and writing. She’s so smart I can barely keep up with her.”

His father laughed softly, and Shiro thought that it might have been the first time he’d heard it, or at least the first he remembered. 

“Sounds like you,” he said. 

“Yeah?” Shiro wondered. He didn’t know much about his own childhood, had no photos or stories from family handed down.

“You were always asking questions, always getting into books. I think you had the stars memorized before you even started school.”

Shiro smiled at the thought. Maybe Kotomi hadn’t inherited everything from Pidge. 

“Kitty loves dinosaurs. Says she’s gonna breed her own one day. Probably shouldn’t have let her watch Jurassic Park,” he joked – which was an event in itself – joking with his father. 

He heard the smile in the old man’s voice. “She sounds like a handful.”

“Maybe…” he hesitated, before steeling himself. “Maybe you can meet her, eventually.”

There was a sharp breath from the other end. “It’d really like that. Takashi…I know there isn’t much I can say…but—well, I’m glad you called.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“You can call me anytime,” his dad told him. “We’re a little busier out here than we used to be, but I’m always around.” 

Shiro nodded, though he knew his dad couldn’t see it. He thought about giving him his own contact information – maybe one day he would – but this had been enough for now. 

“I’ll talk to you later, dad.”

+

Shiro was nervous. 

He’d rehearsed a hundred different speeches, asked each of their friends for advice, even watch videos on youtube.

Nothing seemed special enough, nothing good enough for what he wanted to do. 

So in the end, he’d decided to keep it simple. 

Lance was giggling – they’d shared a bottle of wine at dinner and exchanged kisses and caresses on the car ride home. They’d dropped Kitty off at Lance’s parents that afternoon after picking her up from kindergarten, and a rare night off held so much possibility. 

Shiro had thought about it every step of the way – outside of the restaurant, across the table, sitting at the red light three blocks away. 

Now they were home though, thirteen steps from the door and despite his nerves, it was now or never. 

“Lance,” Shiro paused, reaching out to grasp Lance’s fingers, tugging him back a step before he could open the door. 

Lance turned just as Shiro moved down to one knee, the box that had been sitting heavily in his pocket all night – for days, really – out in his hand. 

Blue eyes were wide for just a moment before Lance’s face split into a bright smile. “Oh, thank god.”

Shiro let out the breath he’d been holding and looked up at Lance quizzically. 

“What?” 

Lance bit his lip to try to stop his grinning before hiding it behind the hand not currently held by Shiro.

“You’ve been clutching at your pocket since we left my parent’s! I’ve been on the edge of my seat all night, and I _know_ everyone is waiting inside and—”

“Wait, you know everyone is inside?” Shiro’s brain flashed to his implicit instructions to Keith that Lance not find out, coupled with the text messaging from Pidge earlier informing him that everyone important was there. 

“Shiro, baby, you’re _so_ transparent and I just—I know you! You’ve been so shifty and oh my god, I’m really ruining this, I’ll stop—please go on!”

Shiro shook his head and huffed a laugh. “I really should have expected this,” he smiled. 

“You _really_ shouldn’t have told Matt! For real he should have been blind-folded or something, dude has a bigger mouth than me—”

“Lance.”

He stopped speaking at Shiro’s voice, his blue eyes wide once more, but this time with a slight trace of nerves. 

“You’re my best friend and my favorite person. I’ve taken your presence in my life for granted before and I won’t ever make that mistake again. There’s no one more suited to be Kitty’s father—and I’m including myself in that—”

Lance smiled, his bottom lip trembling. 

“I could probably go on forever, but I’d really rather not waste any more time than I already have. Marry me, Lance, please, I—”

“Yes! Oh my god, yes, finally!” He was pulling at Shiro’s hand until they were both standing, wrapping him up in his arms and pressing their mouths together. 

Shiro barely had time to resituate the box in his hand so that it wouldn’t be knocked to the ground as Lance lifted his legs, winding them around Shiro’s waist. 

He was laughing, little giggles caught in his throat as they kissed, but Shiro could feel wetness from his cheeks smearing onto his own face. 

Lance finally pulled away with a little sniffle, wiping at his eyes. “Sorry, this is just—”

Shiro cut him off. “Don’t apologize, I figured I didn’t do it right if I didn’t make you cry.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Thanks.” 

They smiled at each other for a second before Lance spoke again. “This is just…everything I ever wanted. I’m so happy right now I don’t even know what to say…”

“Want to see the ring?”

Lance’s eyes lit up once more and Shiro dropped him back to his feet. 

“If you don’t like it, please be honest, we can always exchange—”

“Shut your mouth, we’re not exchanging anything,” Lance told him, his attention rapt as he opened the box. Inside sat a delicate silver band, studded with sapphires, and Shiro held his breath as Lance pulled it out.

“Shiro, it’s so—”

“Look inside,” Shiro urged, almost bouncing on the balls on his feet. 

Lance held the band up to catch the light from the porch and his face split into a grin when he finally saw the engraving. 

“You are ridiculous.”

“Oh, so you want a different ring then?” Shiro lifted an eyebrow wryly. 

Lance snatched it away before Shiro had the chance to take it back, slipping it onto the ring finger of his left hand. Shiro felt pleased at their shared secret, the word _Sharpshooter_ engraved into the band, pressing against Lance’s skin, soaking up his warmth. 

“Are you two ever coming inside?” Sylvia’s voice broke them out of their shared moment. They turned to see her poking her head out of the door, light from inside spilling into the dark outside. 

“Mama! Let me get engaged in peace!”

“Ha! You haven’t let me do anything in peace for thirty years! And get inside, we’re on the edge of our seats!”

“Like he’s gonna say no,” a sarcastic voice called from behind. Shiro couldn’t make out who it was, but if made to guess he’d say Pidge or Keith. 

“You really invited everyone, huh?” Lance said it softly, almost shy.

Shiro shrugged with a smile. “I thought you’d enjoy celebrating with everyone we love. Which turned out to be a _lot_ more people than I first anticipated…”

Lance’s smile brightened. “Let’s go celebrate!”

+

In the end, it wasn’t quite as wild as Shiro suspected it might be. 

He’d known Lance wanted a big to-do, had encouraged him every step of the way. Given opinions on venues and centerpieces, gone to multiple cake-tastings, tried on at least thirty suits. 

Shay was Lance’s ace in the hole, even though she was four months pregnant again by the time the ceremony rolled around. Shiro was positive he’d seen her throw up during one of the less successful cake trials then continue on with the decoration planning like nothing had even happened. 

Thank god for her, because as much as Shiro wanted to be involved in every step of the planning, he was involved in preparation of another kind. He’d be taking over as Admiral of the South Garrison almost as soon as they got back from their honeymoon. 

Right now, though, he was standing on a dais in front of all of their friends and family, face to face with Lance. 

Shiro could see Hunk standing a few steps behind him, with Allura right behind him. At his own back stood Keith and Pidge as well. 

If he turned his head he’d find Kotomi, holding hands with Colleen and Hiroji. Thought Shiro was still growing used to his father’s presence in his life, Kotomi had taken to him like she’d known him all her life – making up for the six years of her life he’d missed as much as possible. 

Lance’s gentle encouragement to give his father a chance had gone a long way towards repairing their relationship as well. 

His soon-to-be husband was standing right in front of him, in a dark navy tux with silver accents that made his eyes even brighter. There might have also been a shine of excited tears on the rim of his lashes catching the light, but Shiro was too distracted by his smile to know for sure. 

Coran officiated, an easy decision on both of their parts, and he kept it short and sweet. It was as if no time at all had passed before they were kissing, cutting the cake, sharing their first dance. 

There were so many people, so many steps to a wedding that he’d never considered, that at one point Shiro was blindly looking around for Kotomi in a panic when a small hand tugged on his charcoal tuxedo jacket. 

“Daddy, it’s my turn to dance with you!”

His shoulders untensing in relief, Shiro turned to look at her. She was in a cream-colored dress that brushed the floor, the lavender ribbon around her waist tied in a bow at the back. 

Allura had done _something alien_ to her hair because it was still in the delicate sweeping up-do from hours ago. 

“It sure is!” Shiro stepped back slightly, holding one hand low. “May I have this dance?” 

Kotomi smiled bright and excited, grasping both of his hands and stepping delicately onto the tops of his shiny new dress shoes. With all the skills borne of six years of parenting, Shiro balanced her with ease, twirling around the dance floor. 

When it felt like her legs her getting the tiniest bit wobbly, Shiro bent low to wrap an arm around her bottom and lift her up around his waist, still bouncing and twirling to the rhythm of the music. 

“Did you have fun today?” 

Kotomi smiled, hazel eyes shining under the fairy light canopy. “So much fun. I like weddings! You and Lala should get married all the time.”

Shiro was struck with the shadow of a memory of a dream, like a whisper of past thought. 

“That would be fun,” he granted. “Might get tiring though.” 

She hummed in agreement, looking around the dance floor past their friends and family, brightening when her attention caught on whatever she’d been searching for.

Shiro didn’t have a chance to turn around before slim arms were sliding around his waist, pulling him back against a strong chest. 

“Lala!”

“Husband, daughter,” Lance greeted, voice coated in mirth. 

“Lance,” Shiro returned with a smile. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Lance asked, sliding around to face Shiro and take Kotomi from his arms. She easily twisted in his arms, despite her limbs being slightly too long, her weight almost too much. 

It wouldn’t be long before she was too big to be carried like this. 

Almost as if sensing Shiro’s melancholy thoughts, Lance gripped the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. 

It was soft and warm – firm and settling. 

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll save a dance for you too.” He winked and turned away, spinning Kotomi up into the air. 

Shiro watched them both, heart full as he listened to their giggling. 

He’d made a lot of mistakes in his life. Choices that he’d wished over and over that he could unmake – redo. 

But standing there, watching his husband and daughter dance, surrounded by the people that brought so much joy and happiness into his life…he knew he wouldn’t change a thing if given the chance. 

“You know you have your whole life to stand around and watch Lance and Kitty, right?” Shiro startled a little at Keith’s voice right at his shoulder, and turned to face his best friend who continued on,“but only a handful of times that I will offer this.”

He held out his hand with a roll of his eyes and Shiro grinned at the implication. 

“Keith Kogane, are you asking me for a dance?”

“Treasure this moment,” Keith grunted, gripping his hand. 

“Oh, absolutely I will.” 

With a brief confusion over who would lead, Shiro easily giving into Keith’s instance, they fell into a surprisingly coordinated dance. 

“You know…that day we found you in the desert—when Lance argued with me over who would save you. I definitely never saw this being where you guys ended up.”

Shiro laughed, pulling Keith a little closer to him. “You know, that day I was called to the administrator’s office to find you and James angry and bleeding. Definitely never saw this being where _you two_ ended up.”

A grin split Keith’s face and Shiro felt an answering one of his own. Their eyes caught and held in a moment of shared humor.

“Guess it could have turned out worse,” Keith offered and Shiro hummed back.

“It definitely could have.”

Lance’s voice cut through their amusement. 

“Is that _Keith_ dancing? Without me and Kitty? That’s changing asap!”

The man in question tensed in his arms, wary eyes darting up to Shiro’s.

“You brought this on yourself,” Shiro reminded him. “And it’s his wedding day too.”

With a sigh of dejected agreement, Keith nodded. “Don’t say I never loved Lance.”

“I’d absolutely never say that.”

“Alright Lance, let’s do this!” Keith called, pulling out of his arms and grabbing hold of Lance’s free hand. 

They positioned Kitty between them smoothly, a synchronization borne of years of partnership in both Voltron and parenting Shiro’s daughter. 

Shiro reached into his dress pants, pulling out his phone to snap a photo. Over Keith’s shoulder, Lance caught sight of the flash and shot him a wink, which Shiro managed to capture perfectly. 

Looking down at the photo of the most important people in his life, Shiro smiled.

It was definitely going up on the fridge.

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi to me on my tumblr](http://thinkpinkwrites.tumblr.com)
> 
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> [i'm on twitter now too!](https://twitter.com/thinkpinkwrites)


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